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childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. what problems will this cause how it can be addressed

childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. what problems will this cause how it can be addressed Wnej5
1. 2 It is undoubtedly that more and more people are suffering from obesity, which is serious problem, which causes different health problems including diabetes and cardiovascular diseases. This essay will look at the reasons in detail then propose some solutions. ( introduction ) 2 The primary reason of getting fat is inactive life style or in other word, we are living in sedentary life, which makes us move or do fewer activities due to the contemporary technologies. For example if people want to buy something they have their wished delivered including ( meals, books or other necessary households ) the way forward could be taking regular exercises instead of driving cars people may cycle or walk which means they should commute to work on foot rather than driving or catching public transports ( Body 1 ) 3 Another cause, which leads to obesity or makes people get unfit, is consuming too much products or the products, which have much calories like fast food, majority of people, get addicted to eat junk food like cheeseburgers or hot-dogs before going to bed. For example, once they have eaten that food before bed it is out of reach to digest completely those calories. As a result, our body stores those calories as a fat. This issue could be addressed by setting up a clear routine every single individual should follow for a particular routine so they have dinner on time and let their organism to digest those calories so the main responsibilities lies on ourselves. ( body 2 ) 4 To sum up, Every single person responsible for their health therefore, they should take a lead and start to care about themselves by doing regular exercises instead of searching the easiest way as well as, they should follow on RDI ( recommended daily intake ) rather than consuming junk food unless, it leads to a plethora of health problems
1. 2 It is
undoubtedly
that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are suffering from obesity, which is serious problem, which causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
health problems including diabetes and cardiovascular diseases. This essay will look at the reasons in detail then propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
introduction
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)


2 The primary reason of getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
is inactive life style or in other word, we are living in sedentary life, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
or do fewer activities due to the contemporary technologies.
For example
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something they have their wished delivered including
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
meals, books or other necessary households
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
the way forward could be taking regular exercises
instead
of driving cars
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may cycle or walk which means they should commute to work on foot
rather
than driving or catching public transports
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
Body 1
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)


3 Another cause, which leads to obesity or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
unfit, is consuming too
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
products or the products, which have
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
calories like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to eat junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
like cheeseburgers or hot-dogs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to bed.
For example
, once they have eaten that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
bed it is out of reach to digest completely those calories.
As a result
, our body stores those calories as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
. This issue could
be addressed
by setting up a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
routine every single individual should follow for a particular routine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have dinner on time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their organism to digest those calories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the main responsibilities lies on ourselves.
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
body 2
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)


4 To sum up, Every single person responsible for their health
therefore
, they should take a lead and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to care about themselves by doing regular exercises
instead
of searching the easiest way
as well
as, they should follow on RDI
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
recommended daily intake
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
rather
than consuming junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
unless, it leads to a plethora of health problems
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IELTS academic childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. what problems will this cause how it can be addressed

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
316 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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