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Canadian charity among 2000 and 2015.

Canadian charity among 2000 and 2015. JqAe5
At the 'Percentage of Canadian donors by age group: 2000 and 2015' chart something is crystal clear; young people is not very active in charity or donations. Even when the reason is not shown to us that is a fact in both years. Now, I think it is relevant to notice just how time seemed to have impacted every group in certain way. People in the range of 18 to 49 show an important decrease in their activness within charity, even when it was already too little for people within 18 to 24. On the other hand, people in the range of 50 to 69+, they apparently showed a praiseworthy increase of activity on charity and donations in the year 2015. Even with this admirable growth, they are not the top patreons in both years. The most charitative people at the 2000 were the ones in the range of 35 to 49, and for 2015 they are the sencond place in the graphic. At the 2015, people in their 50s were the greater donors. However, this second group does not even match the first one.
At the 'Percentage of Canadian donors by age group: 2000 and 2015' chart something is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
; young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
active in charity or donations.
“Even when” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even when
the reason is not shown to us
that is
a fact in both years.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is relevant to notice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
how time seemed to have impacted every group in certain way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in the range of 18 to 49
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decrease in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
activness
within charity, even when it was already too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
within 18 to 24.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the range of 50 to 69+, they
apparently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a praiseworthy increase of activity on charity and donations in the year 2015. Even with this admirable growth, they are not the top
Possible spelling mistake found.
patreons
in both years. The most
Possible spelling mistake found.
charitative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at the 2000 were the ones in the range of 35 to 49, and for 2015 they are the
Possible spelling mistake found.
sencond
place in the graphic. At the 2015,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their 50s were the greater donors.
However
, this second group does not even match the
first
one.
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IELTS academic Canadian charity among 2000 and 2015.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
185 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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