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By and large, a talent related belief among some people said that just some people have sport or art talent, while, other one arg

By and large, a talent related belief among some people said that just some people have sport or art talent, while, other one arg ORDPk
By and large, a talent related belief among some people said that just some people have sport or art talent, while, other one argues that any people could be a champion or artist in the future. Personally, I believe that, absolutely, talent could be effective to getting success in any field, but the amount of effort people dose for their aim is determination. To begin with, it is common knowledge that talent is something that can introduce you a way with high level of success possibility. In other word, gifted people in begin of a task could be more prosperous in comparison to normal people. A good case is Michael phelps. This American swimmer because of his appropriate physical shape won several Olampic and champion medals. Obviously, multiple scientists confirm that his both high height and broad shoulders take his hand in better swimming and effective movement in the pool. As the result, talent could be widely efficient in the success rout, but there is a major question: is talent enough for big achievements? On the other hand, in the world, countless people exist with unique talent, but they live normally, in contrast, a tremendous people who lack talent could achieve huge aim. In my point of view, what distinguish this two groups is their both desire and endeavor for their goals. Undoubtedly, lazy people not only do not could be success, but also in some cases they are loser in normal life. Thus, I assume, scrambling and efforts make 95% of success rout. In conclusion, I pen down, despite any talent, people's attempt is something that determined their future, especially when they engage with professional tasks.
By and large, a
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talent
related belief among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
said that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have sport or art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
, while, other one argues that any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could be a champion or artist in the future.
Personally
, I believe that,
absolutely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
could be effective to getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in any field,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the amount of effort
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dose for their aim is determination.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is common knowledge that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
is something that can introduce you a way with high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
possibility. In other word, gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
of a task could be more prosperous
in comparison
to normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
case is Michael
Possible spelling mistake found.
phelps
. This American swimmer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his appropriate physical shape won several
Possible spelling mistake found.
Olampic
and champion medals.
Obviously
, multiple scientists confirm that his both high height and broad shoulders take his hand in better swimming and effective movement in the pool. As the result,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
could be
widely
efficient in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
rout,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is a major question: is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
achievements?

On the other hand
, in the world, countless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exist with unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
normally
,
in contrast
, a tremendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who lack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
could achieve huge aim. In my point of view, what distinguish this two groups is their both desire and endeavor for their goals.
Undoubtedly
, lazy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do not could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases they are loser in normal life.
Thus
, I assume, scrambling and efforts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
95% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
rout.

In conclusion
, I pen down, despite any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attempt is something that determined their future,
especially
when they engage with professional tasks.
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IELTS academic By and large, a talent related belief among some people said that just some people have sport or art talent, while, other one arg

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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