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brands global sales and people changes

brands global sales and people changes K3WJ6
The bar chart illustrates the numbers of mobile phone sales worldwide of five companies: Samsung, Apple, Nokia, LG, and ZTE in three different years. Overall, while Nokia dominated the smartphone market in 2009, Apple was at rock bottom during the same year. This trend soon changed by the end of the observed period where Samsung rose to be the leading competitor, and ZTE took the bottom-most position. Specifically, in 2009, Nokia sold nearly 450 million phones, making it the most valued company at the time. Followed it was Samsung whose sales figure was only half of Nokia's, at around 225 million, whereas the remaining brands each have no more than 125 million sales. Moving to the remaining years, Nokia's sales figure experienced a slight dip in 2011 but then dived by 2013, ending at exactly 250 million in sales. Samsung, on the other hand, displayed a twofold increase to exactly 450 million phones by the end of the period given. In a like manner, Apple also showed similar but less dramatic growth, with 150 million phones sold in 2013. The two remaining phone companies, which were ZTE and LG, sold on average 50 million and 100 million phones during the three years, respectively. Task 2: There are varying opinions about how one should live their life. While some people believe it is better for them to proactively avoid changes and keeping themselves to the things that they always do, there are others who think changes are a good thing. This essay will analyze both of these viewpoints in-depth and argue why I believe change is ultimately for the betterment of the people. To begin, those who are of the opinion that they prefer spending their lives doing what they always do claim that it can lead to a more peaceful life. Indeed, the world as of today is an unforgiving place where changes pose the risk of causing debilitating effects on people's lives. Migrating to another country, for example, forces one to subject themselves to a completely different lifestyle in an alien culture which could lead to culture shock, resulting in the development of mental illnesses such as depression. Hence, it is understandable that people want to avoid changes to preserve their everyday life. However, those who oppose the aforementioned view also present their counterclaims which I find myself to be supportive of. They argue that changes expose people to foreign elements that they would never, otherwise, experience. This can result in the further development of people's mental capabilities. To illustrate, a person who only stays in one place will show greater conservativeness compared to those who travel around the world and expose themselves to numerous cultures that are different from theirs. These people will be able to better cope with the constantly changing world that is today. Thus, changes are innately a good thing. In conclusion, there are different opinions on how people should live their life. Some believe they should stick to what they are used to, while others actively engage in making changes. This essay has provided an in-depth analysis of these viewpoints and argued why I believe changes are better for our society as they facilitate an environment where people can further their mental development.
The bar chart illustrates the numbers of mobile
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phone
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sales
worldwide of five
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
: Samsung, Apple, Nokia, LG, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZTE
in three
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different
years.

Overall
, while Nokia dominated the smartphone market in 2009, Apple was at rock bottom during the same year. This trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the observed period where Samsung rose to be the leading competitor, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZTE
took the bottom-most position.

Specifically
, in 2009, Nokia sold
nearly
450
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million
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phones
, making it the most valued
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
at the time. Followed it was Samsung whose
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sales
figure was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
half of Nokia's, at around 225
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million
, whereas the remaining brands each have no more than 125
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million
sales.

Moving to the remaining years, Nokia's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
figure experienced a slight dip in 2011
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but
then dived by 2013, ending at exactly 250
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million
in
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sales
. Samsung,
on the other hand
, displayed a twofold increase to exactly 450
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million
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phones
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.
Consider replacing "In a like manner" with the adverb for "like"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
In a like manner
, Apple
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
similar
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
less dramatic growth, with 150
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million
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phones
sold in 2013. The two remaining
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phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, which were
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZTE
and LG, sold on average 50
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million
and 100
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million
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phones
during the three years,
respectively
.

Task 2:

There are varying opinions about how one should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their life. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
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believe
it is better for them to
proactively
avoid
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changes
and keeping themselves to the things that they always do, there are others
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
are a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing. This essay will analyze both of these viewpoints in-depth and argue why I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
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change
is
ultimately
for the betterment of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are of the opinion that they prefer spending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
doing what they always do claim that it can lead to a more peaceful life.
Indeed
, the world as of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is an unforgiving place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
pose the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of causing debilitating effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. Migrating to another country,
for example
, forces one to subject themselves to a completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
lifestyle in an alien culture which could lead to culture shock, resulting in the development of mental illnesses such as depression.
Hence
, it is understandable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
to preserve their everyday life.

However
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
oppose the aforementioned view
also
present their counterclaims which I find myself to be supportive of. They argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
expose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to foreign elements that they would never,
otherwise
, experience. This can result in the
further
development of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's mental capabilities. To illustrate, a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
stays in one place will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
greater
Possible spelling mistake found.
conservativeness
compared to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
travel around the world and expose themselves to numerous cultures that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
from theirs. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be able to better cope with the
constantly
changing world
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
are
innately
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing.

In conclusion
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
opinions on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
they should stick to what they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to, while others
actively
engage in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
. This essay has provided an in-depth analysis of these viewpoints and argued why I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
are better for our society as they facilitate an environment where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
further
their mental development.
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IELTS academic brands global sales and people changes

Academic
  American English
9 paragraphs
539 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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