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birth and death rate in new zealand

birth and death rate in new zealand k2O8
The line graph shows the birth and death trends in New Zealand from 1901 until 2102. During this period, both of the data shows fluctuation throughout the year. Birth rate numbers are always above the death rate, up until 2041 where both shows the same amount of number around 48, 000, and then the birth rate decline while the death rate increase. In 1961, we can see that it was the highest number of birth in New Zealand, with approximately 65, 000 people. The figures goes down in 1981 with the number of 50, 000 person, but then rise up again in 1990s to the number of 60, 000 birth. The rates finally decline in 2001, and reaches the number of 45, 000 data in 2101. As for death rate, it fluctuates a little bit at the beginning of 1901, but the overall it always increase in the number of death, and even experienced an extreme increase during period of 2021 until 2061 where it finally became more stagnant. It is interesting to note that in 2041, the same figure of approximately 48, 000 death and birth number happen.
The line graph
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shows
the
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birth
and death trends in New Zealand from 1901 until 2102. During this period, both of the data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
fluctuation throughout the year.
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Birth
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rate
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numbers
are always above the death
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rate
, up until 2041 where both
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shows
the same amount of
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number
around 48, 000, and then the
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birth
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rate
decline while the death
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rate
increase.

In 1961, we can
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see
that it was the highest
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number
of
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birth
in New Zealand, with approximately 65, 000
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people
. The figures
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goes
down in 1981 with the
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number
of 50, 000
Possible agreement error. The noun 'person' seems to be countable, so consider using: "people", "persons".
person
,
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but
then rise up again
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1990s".
in 1990s
to the
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number
of 60, 000
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birth
. The
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rates
finally
decline in 2001, and reaches the
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number
of 45, 000 data in 2101.

As for death
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rate
, it fluctuates a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
at the beginning of 1901,
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but
the
overall
it always
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increase
in the
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number
of death, and even experienced an extreme increase during period of 2021 until 2061 where it
finally
became more stagnant.

It is interesting to note that in 2041, the same figure of approximately 48, 000 death and
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birth
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number
happen.
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IELTS academic birth and death rate in new zealand

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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