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below is a graph showing the incidents of mental illness (as indicates by receipt of incapacity benefits) amongest older uk males from 1971 to 2015. The reform in the benefits system took place in 1995.

below is a graph showing the incidents of mental illness (as indicates by receipt of incapacity benefits) amongest older uk males from 1971 to 2015. The reform in the benefits system took place in 1995. 8g7Ql
The rendered poly line graph elucidates the information regarding senior men in United Kingdom who suffer from mental disabilities from 1970 to 2015. However they had been recovered in benefits system in 1995. Overall, the middle aged men received more incapacity benefits as compare to other ages groups. At a fleeting glance, sixty five pluse men showed negligible disabalities in former year after that the ratio of incapacity benefits were rapidly boost from 1997 to 1995. Suddenly there was swaftly decreased in 2005 and the figure had been merely increased later year. Moreover, 55+ gents showed similar interest in 1995 as 65+ men with 20% Further analysing the bar graph, firstly, 55+men was increment their inerest in incapacity benefits. Eventually, the ratio was reached at peak level with 20% and gentlemen sufferfrom many aliments till 2015. In addition, a fraction incapacity benefits got by men in 1970 whereas, the incapacity benefits was showed rise flactuation in 1995. Likewise, its showed ups and downs trend in later year. Besides, in 1995, three ages grouos men recovered in benefits system in U. K. with 20% and 28% respectively.
The rendered
poly
line graph elucidates the information regarding senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the United Kingdom".
in United Kingdom
who suffer from mental disabilities from 1970 to 2015.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
they had
been recovered
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
system in 1995.

Overall
, the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
middle aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
received more incapacity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
as compare to other ages groups.

At a fleeting glance,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
sixty five
Possible spelling mistake found.
pluse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
showed
negligible
Possible spelling mistake found.
disabalities
in former year after that the ratio of incapacity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
were
rapidly
Consider using a past participle here: "boosted".
boost
from 1997 to 1995.
Suddenly
there was
Possible spelling mistake found.
swaftly
decreased in 2005 and the figure had been
merely
increased later year.
Moreover
, 55+ gents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
showed
similar interest in 1995 as 65+
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
with 20%

Further
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the bar graph,
firstly
, 55+
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
was increment their
Possible spelling mistake found.
inerest
in incapacity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
.
Eventually
, the ratio
was reached
at peak level with 20% and gentlemen
Possible spelling mistake found.
sufferfrom
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aliments till 2015.
In addition
, a fraction incapacity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in 1970 whereas, the incapacity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
showed
rise
Possible spelling mistake found.
flactuation
in 1995.
Likewise
, its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
showed
ups and downs trend in later year.
Besides
, in 1995, three ages
Possible spelling mistake found.
grouos
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
recovered in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
system in U. K. with 20% and 28%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic below is a graph showing the incidents of mental illness (as indicates by receipt of incapacity benefits) amongest older uk males from 1971 to 2015. The reform in the benefits system took place in 1995.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
186 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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