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Bar graph male and female enrollment in Britain future education

Bar graph male and female enrollment in Britain future education x2ag9
This bar chart illustrates the number of males and females enrolled in further education in Britain during three different periods (1970/71, (1980/81 and 1990/91). It also represents those involved in full-time and part-time programs. Overall, the number of students enrolled in part-time education is considerably higher. The highest was females involved in part-time programs in 1990/91, whereas the lowest was females studying full-time in 1970/71. In regard to full-time programs, men enrolled the most in 1970/71 with exactly 1000 thousand. This figure decreased to about 850 in 1980/81 before it slightly rose again to nearly 900 in 1990/91. However, women were about 750 thousand enrolled students in 19970/71. The number increased steadily to 800 in 1980/81 and further climbed to more or less 1100 thousand in 1990/91. Enrollment in part-time education for males was about 100 thousand 1970/71 and increased steadily to slightly above 200 thousand in the last time period. Similarly, female enrollment was little under 100 thousand in 1970/71. In 1980/81, the figure rose significantly to just over 200 and further rose to nearly 250 in 1990/91.
This bar chart illustrates the number of males and
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females
enrolled in
further
education in Britain during three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
periods
Unpaired symbol: ')' seems to be missing
(
1970/71, (1980/81 and 1990/91). It
also
represents those involved in full-time and part-time programs.

Overall
, the number of students enrolled in part-time education is
considerably
higher. The highest was
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females
involved in part-time programs in 1990/91, whereas the lowest was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
studying full-time in 1970/71.

In regard to full-time programs,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
enrolled the most in 1970/71 with exactly 1000 thousand. This figure decreased to about 850 in 1980/81
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it
slightly
rose again to
nearly
900 in 1990/91.
However
, women were about 750 thousand enrolled students in 19970/71. The number increased
steadily
to 800 in 1980/81 and
further
climbed to more or less 1100 thousand in 1990/91.

Enrollment in part-time education for males was about 100 thousand 1970/71 and increased
steadily
to
slightly
above 200 thousand in the last time period.
Similarly
,
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female
enrollment was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
under 100 thousand in 1970/71. In 1980/81, the figure rose
significantly
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 200 and
further
rose to
nearly
250 in 1990/91.
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IELTS academic Bar graph male and female enrollment in Britain future education

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
179 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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