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bar graph compares information about demographic and wealth share in different parts of the world, which measured in percentages.

bar graph compares information about demographic and wealth share in different parts of the world, which measured in percentages. yxPjV
The bar graph compares information about demographic and wealth share in different parts of the world, which measured in percentages. Looking from an overall perspective, it is clear the distribution of wealth and population in different regions varies greatly with North America and Europe sharing disproportionally high amount wealth. By contrast, China and India have population many times higher the countries’ wealth. To begin with, North America is a dominant country in proportion of wealth at just over the one third (34%>, but with mere 6% population, which is the second lowest demographic figure in the chart. Europe, moreover, keeps the title of the second wealthy nation (3O> with citizens coinciding the half of the region’s finance. Rich Asia-Pacific is also in category of wealthy states in wealth accounting approximately quarter of world share and with population 5%. With regard to poorest regions with absolute reverse situation, just like, Africa and India have a percent of world wealth each; however, population one in ten and 15%, respectively. China with population at near to quarter is the most populated country, while wealth accounting only minor 3 percents. America and Caribbean are in between in both categories with wealth 8% and population a time smaller.
The bar graph compares information about demographic and
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wealth
share in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world, which measured in percentages.

Looking from an
overall
perspective, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
the distribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
regions varies
greatly
with North America and Europe sharing
Possible spelling mistake found.
disproportionally
high amount
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wealth
. By contrast, China and India have
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population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times higher the countries’ wealth.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, North America is a dominant country in proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over the one third
Unpaired symbol: ')' seems to be missing
(
34%>,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with mere 6%
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population
, which is the second lowest demographic figure in the chart. Europe,
moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the title of the second wealthy nation
Unpaired symbol: ')' seems to be missing
(
3O> with citizens coinciding the half of the region’s finance. Rich Asia-Pacific is
also
in category of wealthy states in
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wealth
accounting approximately quarter of world share and with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
5%.

With regard to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the poorest".
poorest
regions with absolute reverse situation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like, Africa and India have a percent of world
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wealth
each;
however
,
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population
one in ten and 15%,
respectively
. China with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
at near to quarter is the most populated country, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
accounting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
minor 3 percents. America and Caribbean are in between in both categories with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
8% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
a time smaller.
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IELTS academic bar graph compares information about demographic and wealth share in different parts of the world, which measured in percentages.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
203 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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