Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

bar chart shows the Japanese travels to the world while line grap shows the market shars of Japanese tourists in Australia.

bar chart shows the Japanese travels to the world while line grap shows the market shars of Japanese tourists in Australia. 3WEdN
The given bar chart illustrates the number of Japanese who have travelled overseas between 1985 to 1995, while the line graph shows the percentages of the travels to Australia during the period. The most striking feature in the graph is that total Japan's abroad travels have increased considerably during the period even though there are fluctuations. To begin with, the visits were increased gradually from 1985 to 1990 by 5 million to 10. 5 million approximately. It slightly reduced to just above 10 in 1991. However, this was again climbed to around 11. 9 in 1992 and remained constant in the following year. Then the numbers were continuously rose to around 15 in 1995. Arrivals to Australia have shown a similar trend though there are minor deviations. The percentages were significantly moved up from 1985 to 1990. Conversely, it reduced in the following year from around 5% to just above 4%. This was again surged repeatedly until 1994 to just above 6% even the total Japanese visits in the world fluctuated in the same time period. Overall, Australia's market share in Japanese tourists tripled at the end equivalent to the total travels.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart illustrates the number of Japanese who have travelled overseas
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1985 and 1995".
between 1985 to 1995
, while the line graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the percentages of the travels to Australia during the period. The most striking feature in the graph is that total Japan's abroad travels have increased
considerably
during the period
even though
there are fluctuations. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the visits
were increased
gradually
from 1985 to 1990 by 5 million to 10. 5 million approximately. It
slightly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 10 in 1991.
However
, this was again climbed to around 11. 9 in 1992 and remained constant in the following year. Then the numbers were
continuously
Consider using a past participle here: "risen".
rose
to around 15 in 1995. Arrivals to Australia have shown a similar trend though there are minor deviations. The percentages were
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
up from 1985 to 1990.
Conversely
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in the following year from around 5% to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 4%. This was again surged
repeatedly
until 1994 to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 6% even the total Japanese visits in the world fluctuated in the same time period.
Overall
, Australia's market share in Japanese tourists tripled at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
equivalent to the total travels.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS academic bar chart shows the Japanese travels to the world while line grap shows the market shars of Japanese tourists in Australia.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 6band
    The pie charts compare what male and female teenagers from Peru prefer to do in their free time.
    The two pie charts show the result of a survey in which male and female teeanagers from Peru were asked about their preferred activities in their free time. The question referred to differences between girls and boys when they use free time for hobbies. Participants mentioned five activities in thei...
  • 5band
    The energy is produced from coal
    The given process chart demonstrate information regarding the energy is manufacture from Coal by the various types. In general, it is witnessed that the majority of steps are involved slightly. A closer look reveals that firstly, coal is transported by a ramp to furnace where it heated these stage...
  • 6band
    Changing Rates of Crime in Panama City, 2010-2019
    The line graph depicts the shifts in crime rates, specifically burglary, car theft, and robbery, that happened in Panama City during the period of 2010 - 2019. Overall, the graph shows significant changes in burglary and car theft incidents for a decade. While robbery had low incidents with 500 inci...
  • 5.5band
    The outlines beneath illustrate the breeze age all over the planet and the level of power produced by wind generation by different nations.
    The outlines beneath illustrate the breeze age all over the planet and the level of power produced by wind generation by different nations. Overall, China and India have generated most of the proportion of wind power in 2011 and the largest wind energy created throughout the years is 2020. In the ...
  • 6band
    the offices' plans in the UK's companies between 1975 and 2015
    The diagram illustrates the offices' plans in the UK's companies between 1975 and 2015 and how the layout and the design of these offices have been changed over this period. Overall, in 1975 offices were organised in separate places, while in 2015 the companies made a huge change in the offices’ de...
  • 5.5band
    Proportion of different age group
    The line graph gives the detail regarding the proportion of people of different age groups rating on certain factor as there importance when they move to a new home. A preliminary investigation of the line graph reveals that crime rate is the most important factor for people of all age groups. At th...





Get more results for topic:
  • bar chart shows the Japanese travels to the world while line grap shows the market shars of Japanese tourists in Australia.