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bar chart shows sector contribution

bar chart shows sector contribution OgLnG
The bar graph illustrate percentage of the sector contribution to the total value of goods produced and services in India from 1960 to 2000 There are three sectors: Agriculture, industry and services. During the all years services sectors were increased. However industry sector was opposite as decreased year by years. A different patterned for agriculture, which slowly increasing until 1980 but than it was decreased. Overall, in 1960 agriculture contribution the highs percentage of GDP, over at 60%. But it increased in all 5 years by quarter until 2000. The service sector did not like that, it was about 18 percentage in 1960 and after 1980 yhis contribution was jumping from 28 to over 60. Industry sector did not trend any years. It was less percentage of sector contribution. It was at 16 % in 1960. After 20 years it increased a bit at 25 percentage same in both 1980 and 1990. However, it to came in 2000 decreased. Indian sector contribution was different pattern during the years. Services increased from 16 to 63 percentage of GDP. However agriculture decreased from 63 in 1960 to 13 in 2000.
The bar graph illustrate
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percentage
of the
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sector
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contribution
to the total value of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
produced and
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services
in India from 1960 to 2000

There are three
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sectors
:
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Agriculture
, industry and
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services
. During the all years
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services
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sectors
were
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increased
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
industry
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sector
was opposite as decreased
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year
by years. A
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different
patterned for
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agriculture
, which
slowly
increasing until 1980
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
than it
was decreased
.

Overall
, in 1960
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agriculture
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contribution
the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "highs'" or "high's"?
highs
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percentage
of GDP, over at 60%.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it
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increased
in all 5 years by quarter until 2000. The
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service
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sector
did not like that, it was about 18
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percentage
in 1960 and after 1980
Possible spelling mistake found.
yhis
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contribution
was jumping from 28 to over 60. Industry
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sector
did not trend any years. It was less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribution
. It was at 16 % in 1960. After 20 years it
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increased
a bit at 25
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percentage
same in both 1980 and 1990.
However
, it to came in 2000 decreased.

Indian
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sector
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribution
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pattern during the years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Services
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
from 16 to 63
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of GDP.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
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agriculture
decreased from 63 in 1960 to 13 in 2000.

IELTS academic bar chart shows sector contribution

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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