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There is a comparison about the percentage of people paying a visit to Ireland in the time period shown and It is distorted by age, gender, and type of visit.

There is a comparison about the percentage of people paying a visit to Ireland in the time period shown and It is distorted by age, gender, and type of visit. r1rXk
There is a comparison about the percentage of people paying a visit to Ireland in the time period shown and It is distorted by age, gender, and type of visit. Overall, It is noticeable that while the age chart discerned throughout 7 age levels, the gender and type of visit only have 4 features. The age was compared from 0 - 15 years to 66- over 66 years and the remaining chart shows the figure of Females and males with two different types of visits for business or leisure visit. On the one hand, It is obvious that the age from 25 - 34 and 45 - 54 years paying a visit to Ireland accounted for 23% and reach the highest point in this pie chart while the age of 35-44 reached the second rank with 19% and 55-64 reached the third rank with 11%. Similarly, the parameter of people in 66 to over 66 years equaled the parameter of people in 16 to 24 years at 9% in each one. However, the age from 0 to 15 years reached the lowest peak with 6%. With the next chart, the criteria of this chart were gender and the purpose of visitors when they pay a visit to Ireland. The females visiting Ireland with the main purpose was Leisure visit accounted for 40% 10 times as much as this gender came here to cater for business purposes. Similarly, the man paying a visit to Ireland reached the highest point at 43% and the man came here with business purpose at 13%
There is a comparison about the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
paying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
to Ireland in the time period shown and It
is distorted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, gender, and type of visit.

Overall
, It is noticeable that while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
discerned throughout 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
levels, the gender and type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have 4 features. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
was compared
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 0 to 15"?
from 0 - 15
years to 66- over 66 years and the remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the figure of Females and males with two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
for business or leisure visit.

On the one hand, It is obvious that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 25 to 34"?
from 25 - 34
and
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
45 - 54
years paying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
to Ireland accounted for 23% and reach the highest point in this pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 35-44
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reached
the second rank with 19% and 55-64
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reached
the third rank with 11%.
Similarly
, the parameter of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 66 to over 66 years equaled the parameter of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 16 to 24 years at 9% in each one.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
from 0 to 15 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reached
the lowest peak with 6%.

With the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
, the criteria of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
gender and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
of visitors when they pay a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
to Ireland. The females visiting Ireland with the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
was Leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
accounted for 40% 10 times as much as this gender came here to cater for business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purposes
.
Similarly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
paying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
to Ireland
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reached
the highest point at 43% and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
came here with business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
at 13%
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IELTS academic There is a comparison about the percentage of people paying a visit to Ireland in the time period shown and It is distorted by age, gender, and type of visit.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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