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Bar chart of investment of five organisation in four sector

Bar chart of investment of five organisation in four sector BgqOd
The information about five firm invested in sectors like machinery, building, staff training and research is illustarted by bar graph. The data is callibrated in billion euros. Overall, it can be seen that highest investment was done by organization B while lowest was by organization D. To initiate with, in machinery sector highest investment was done by company C which was slight greater than firm A and company B and D spent same amount, it accounted 0. 8 billion euro. Moreover, organisation C, D and E invested equal amount in building sector which was 50% lesser than organization A, it constituted 1. 5 billion euro. On the other hand, company B spent highest in staff training which was more than double of firm C, D and E and dramatic greater than firm A.
The information about five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firm
invested in sectors like machinery, building, staff training and research is
Possible spelling mistake found.
illustarted
by bar graph. The data is
Possible spelling mistake found.
callibrated
in
Use "a billion" or use a number before 'billion'.
billion
euros.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that highest investment
was done
by organization B while lowest was by organization D. To initiate with, in machinery sector
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
investment
was done
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
C which was slight greater than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firm
A and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
B and D spent same amount, it accounted 0. 8 billion
Possible agreement error. The noun 'euro' seems to be countable, so consider using: "euros".
euro
.
Moreover
,
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisation
C, D and E invested equal amount in building sector which was 50% lesser than organization A, it constituted 1. 5 billion
Possible agreement error. The noun 'euro' seems to be countable, so consider using: "euros".
euro
.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
B spent highest in staff training which was more than double of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firm
C, D and E and dramatic greater than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
firm
A.
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IELTS academic Bar chart of investment of five organisation in four sector

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
133 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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