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bar chart education female and male

bar chart education female and male Pr9qK
The bar chart illustrates the number of males and females engage in the further education in Britain. It shows whether they were studying full time or part time and is divided into three periods. Initially, males that take the full-time education were in the highest point during 1970, while the part time education were in the lowest with about 1000 thousand and less than 200 thousand respectively. On the other hand, female who took the full education rise significantly in each period. Started with less than 800 thousand women, by the end of the time the number grow into more than 1000 thousand. To sum up, the trend of part time education for both genders were rise gradually. Besides that, the full-time education for males were fluctuate, whereas it was dramatic grow for females.
The bar chart illustrates the number of males and females engage in the
further
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education
in Britain. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
whether they were studying full
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time
or part
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time
and
is divided
into three periods.

Initially
, males that take the full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
were in the highest point during 1970, while the part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
were in the lowest with about 1000 thousand and less than 200 thousand
respectively
.

On the other hand
, female who took the full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
rise
significantly
in each period.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Started
with less than 800 thousand women, by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the number grow into more than 1000 thousand.

To sum up, the trend of part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for both genders were
Consider using a past participle here: "risen".
rise
gradually
.
Besides
that, the full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for males were
Consider using a past participle here: "fluctuated".
fluctuate
, whereas it was dramatic grow for females.

IELTS academic bar chart education female and male

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
134 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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