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As we can see in the chart

As we can see in the chart aA0bm
As we can see in the chart, about 80% of Students, under 26, studying to gain a good career. On the other hand, older students who are over 49 mostly studying a subject for interest. If I want to explain the detail of the chart, 80% of under 26 students go to university for achieving a good job and only 10% of these students go to university as an interest. The students, who are between 26 and 29, 70% look at the subject as bridge to good career. This percentage decrease for the age between 30 and 39. However, the number is equal to students who studying for career between age 40 and 49. And at the end, The students who are over 49 have equal interest to studying for a career or as a hobby. For the conclusion, I can say between age and studying for interest exist the direct relationship.
As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in the chart, about 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
, under 26,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
to gain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
On the other hand
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are over 49
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
a subject for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
. If I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the detail of the chart, 80% of under 26
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
go to university for achieving a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10% of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
go to university as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are between 26 and 29, 70% look at the subject as bridge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. This percentage decrease for the age between 30 and 39.
However
, the number is equal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
between age 40 and 49. And at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are over 49 have equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
or as a hobby. For the conclusion, I can say between age and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
exist the direct relationship.

IELTS academic As we can see in the chart

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
152 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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