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Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express their thoughts and ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express their thoughts and ideas. 67LK
Art is the externalization of the skills of an artist. Therefore, there are the people who are in the favor to impart full liberty to the artists; however, others oppose this opinion freely. In my opinion, freedom is necessary up to greater extent but there should be proper surveillance on their work to avoid any unpleasant situation. To begin with, there are many reasons why some people are in favor to give full freedom to artists. First of all, if they are free from any suppression that helps them to unveil all the social issues of the society without any fear. They expose the cancerous spot and request the society to uproot that. Any type of confinement will not let them to express their thoughts. Secondly, these creative artists are the nerve of every nation because of their extraordinary skills; if they work freely they, undoubtedly, have the potential to make masterpiece that brings recognition for every country in the map of world. However, I feel that the full autonomy may have adverse effect on the individual and on the society because many times artists are seen painting any objectionable picture, adding any anti-social dialogue in the films that result in the communal riots and hurt sentiments of the people. These types of acts cost the life of the people. For example, once in the a popular film, some Hindu gods are shown begging. This film has not only brought criticism by the hindu society but also sparked communal riots that have ended up in the demise of some people. Therefore, they should not be given full freedom. To sum up, although artists are required to give full liberty for exploring their creativity yet government should ensure that that very act may not hurt others feeling.
Art is the externalization of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
.
Therefore
, there are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are in the favor to impart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
liberty to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
;
however
, others oppose this opinion
freely
. In my opinion, freedom is necessary up to greater extent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there should be proper surveillance on their work to avoid any unpleasant situation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in favor to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if they are free from any suppression that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to unveil all the social issues of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
without any fear. They expose the cancerous spot and request the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to uproot that. Any type of confinement will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them to express their thoughts.
Secondly
, these creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are the nerve of every nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their extraordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
; if they work
freely
they,
undoubtedly
, have the potential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
masterpiece that brings recognition for every country in the map of world.

However
, I feel that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
autonomy may have adverse effect on the individual and on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
painting any objectionable picture, adding any anti-social dialogue in the films that result in the communal riots and hurt sentiments of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. These types of acts cost the life of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, once in
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "a" is left.
the a
popular film,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Hindu gods
are shown
begging. This film has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brought criticism by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
hindu
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
sparked communal riots that have ended up in the demise of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, they should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
freedom.

To sum up, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
are required
to give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
liberty for exploring their creativity
yet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ensure that that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
act may not hurt others feeling.
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IELTS academic Artists need a certain amount of freedom to develop their creativity. Some people think that artists should have total freedom to express their thoughts and ideas.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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