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annual number of rentals and sales

annual number of rentals and sales 5A8PA
The bar chart shows the information about yearly number of rental as well as sales of films by particular store between 2002 and 2011. The data is celebrated in thousands and years which is clearly and coherently. It is crystal clear that, during 2002 the sales of Rentals, VHS and DVD were 185000, 85000and 45000 respectively. Whereas Blue ray had not sold. After that year, the sale of Rentals and VHS were decline and DVD sales were. Rising. Furthermore, the sales of Rentals were 120000 and Blue ray sales vanished in 2007. on the contrary, DVD sales increased to 210000. Apart from this, when 2011 started Rentals reduced to 65000. Also, VHS sales had sold about zero. DVD sales decreased to 180000 whereas sell of Blue ray were increasing up to 5000 as compared to 2010. Overall, it is clear that DVD sales had increased as compared to Rentals and Blue ray films was starting sale between 2002 and 2011. VHS sales vanished during a number of years.
The bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the information about yearly number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rental
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of films by particular store between 2002 and 2011. The data
is celebrated
in thousands and years which is
clearly
and
coherently
.

It is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, during 2002 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rentals
, VHS and DVD were 185000, 85000and 45000
respectively
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Blue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ray
had not sold. After that year, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rentals
and VHS were decline and DVD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
were.

Rising.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rentals
were 120000 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Blue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ray
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
vanished in 2007.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the contrary, DVD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
increased to 210000.

Apart from this, when 2011
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rentals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to 65000.
Also
, VHS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
had sold about zero. DVD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
decreased to 180000 whereas sell of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Blue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ray
were increasing up to 5000 as compared to 2010.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that DVD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
had increased as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rentals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Blue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ray
films was starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
between 2002 and 2011. VHS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
vanished during a number of years.
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IELTS academic annual number of rentals and sales

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
168 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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