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amount of money for a children's charity in the USA

amount of money for a children's charity in the USA VPL7A
The pie charts show the amount of revenue and expenditures in 2016 and for a children’s charity in the USA. Calibration of date is done in percentage. Overall, the total amount of income was just enough to cover the expenditures. Moreover, donated food made the highest share in total income while the maximum money spent on program service. To begin with, donated food provided the most of the revenue for the charity, at 86%. Similarly, with regard to expenditures, program services, calculated for nearly all of the outgoings, at 95. 8%. The other categories were much smaller. Community contributions were the second largest revenue source, brought in 10. 4% of overall income, and this was followed by program revenue, at 2. 2%. on the other hand, investment income, government grants, and other income were very small sources of revenue, accounting for only 0. 8% combined. There were only two other expenditure items, fundraising and management and general, with a slight difference both accounting for 2. 6% and 1. 6% respectively.
The pie charts
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show
the amount of
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revenue
and
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expenditures
in 2016 and for a children’s charity in the USA. Calibration of date
is done
in percentage.

Overall
, the total amount of
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income
was
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just
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enough
to cover the
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expenditures
.
Moreover
, donated food made the highest share in total
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income
while the maximum money spent on program service.

To
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begin
with, donated food provided the most of the
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revenue
for the charity, at 86%.
Similarly
, with regard to
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expenditures
, program services, calculated for
nearly
Consider using "all the".
all of the
outgoings, at 95. 8%. The
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other
categories were much smaller. Community contributions were the second largest
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revenue
source, brought in 10. 4% of
overall
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income
, and this
was followed
by program
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revenue
, at 2. 2%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the
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other
hand, investment
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income
,
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government
grants, and
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
were
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very
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small
sources of
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revenue
, accounting for
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only
0. 8% combined.

There were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
items, fundraising and management and general, with a slight difference both accounting for 2. 6% and 1. 6%
respectively
.

IELTS academic amount of money for a children's charity in the USA

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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