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American water association research foundation, "Residential end uses of water",1999

American water association research foundation, "Residential end uses of water", 1999 5LXdn
The pie chart depicts to the usages of water by American public ends, descoverd to the American water association for 1999. Allover, It is visible to that, More than of half consume of water by toilet and clothes washers activities in America at 1999, Whereas, others occupation usages have a normally all sources on chart While, The highest consumable water in toilet part stood at 26. 7 % in this region at 1999. Similarly clothes washer has second number with 21 percentage from all others sources. On other hand we can see other occupation have a slightly down comparatively boths highest project. 15% water utilizes by faucet work by USA community for 1999. United state of America has consumed h2o for shower purpose such as 16. 8% in next we can move slightly declined at leakes wastage 13 percentage of water for the valuable American. One of the only others activities have take lowest percentages like 5 in that nation. In conclusion, although American society more expense water for toilet and clothes washers against alloccupation sum have a equally to the this both.
The pie chart depicts to the usages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
by American public ends,
Possible spelling mistake found.
descoverd
to the American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
association for 1999. Allover, It is visible to that, More than of half consume of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
by toilet and clothes washers activities in America at 1999, Whereas, others occupation usages have a
normally
all sources on chart While, The highest consumable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in toilet part stood at 26. 7 % in this region at 1999.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
clothes washer has second number with 21 percentage from all others sources. On
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
occupation have a
slightly
down
comparatively
Possible spelling mistake found.
boths
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
project. 15%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
utilizes by faucet work by USA community for 1999. United state of America has consumed h2o for shower purpose such as 16. 8% in
next
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
slightly
declined at
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "leaks", the plural form of the noun 'leak'?
leakes
wastage 13 percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
for the valuable American. One of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
others activities have
Use past participle here: "taken".
take
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
percentages like 5 in that nation.
In conclusion
, although American society more expense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
for toilet and clothes washers against
Possible spelling mistake found.
alloccupation
sum have
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
equally
to
Maybe you need to remove the second determiner so that only "the" or "this" is left.
the this
both.
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IELTS academic American water association research foundation, "Residential end uses of water", 1999

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
183 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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