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Activity involved in with female and male

Activity involved in with female and male 03OG
The table illustrates the involvement of men and women in different physical activities during two years in UK. Overall, as it is shown the majority of people have choose swimming at that period of time and the lowest percentage was for jogging. Meanwhile, the percentage of females who have chosen cycling was half the percentage of males. The participating of male in indoor activity was Increasing during the years, while the percentage of female was remaining the same. However, there was a slightly increasing of percentage of male who involved in cycling. Furthermore, for female from 2005/06 had the highest percentage then the figures stay remained. In addition to that, jogging sports had such a softly increasing of the figures in both genders during that period of time.
The table illustrates the involvement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
physical activities during two years in UK.

Overall
, as it
is shown
the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have choose
If 'choose' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to swim".
swimming
at that period of time and the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
was for jogging. Meanwhile, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of females who have chosen
If 'chosen' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to cycle".
cycling
was half the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of males.

The participating of male in indoor activity was

Increasing during the years, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of female was remaining the same.

However
, there was a
slightly
increasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of male who involved in cycling.
Furthermore
, for female
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 2005 to 06"?
from 2005/06
had the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
then the figures stay remained.

In addition
to that, jogging sports had such a
softly
increasing of the figures in both genders during that period of time.
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IELTS academic Activity involved in with female and male

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
128 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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