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Describe an important event in global history. v.1

Describe an important event in global history. v. 1
Describe an important event in global history. You should say: when it happened what the event was what effect you think this event had  and explain why it is an important event in history.   Model Answer 1: Realistically speaking, each and every event, be it small or big, affects the course of history in some subtle manners, and that’s probably why most of them go unnoticed. But, then, there are some events, we consider important, which are noticed by the entire world because of their sweeping effects on global history as well as our life. Today, I would like to discuss one such important event that completely changed our world. The important event, I am talking about, is the “fall of Berlin wall”. Even though, it happened a long time ago, when I still was a young boy, in 1989, I can still remember the day vividly because I was actually watching the event live on our television. By the way, the Berlin wall was erected in 1961 by the then communist government of East Germany in order to stop the fleeing of its citizens to West Germany. This Berlin wall divided families who found themselves unable to visit each other. Many East Berliners were cut off from their jobs while the West Berliners kept demonstrating against the wall. This wall didn’t just divide the Berliners physically but also ideologically since the countries, divided by the wall, represented completely two different types of government systems. Even though nobody was really expecting such an unexpected and dramatic fall of the Berlin Wall, it had very significant effects in reshaping the international relations and the geopolitics of all the countries in the world. Anyway, it is an important event in the history of the world, primarily because it helped ease the tensions and cold war between the two blocks of the world: one was led the communist Soviet Union while the other block was led by the ‘so-called’ leader of the free world. The event also led the way in reducing the arms race which had cost both the countries (the USA and the USSR) and their supporting nations billions of dollars. Essentially, this event made the whole world much less dangerous and more peaceful for living.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Describe
an
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important
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event
in global
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history
. You should say: when it happened what the
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event
was what effect you
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think
this
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event
had
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and
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explain
why it is an
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important
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event
in
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history
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Model Answer 1:

Realistically
speaking, each and every
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event
, be it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
, affects the course of
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history
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
subtle manners, and that’s
probably
why most of them go unnoticed.
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But
, then, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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events
, we consider
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important
, which
are noticed
by the entire
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world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their sweeping effects on global
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history
as
well
as our life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, I would like to discuss one such
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important
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event
that completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our world.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
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event
, I am talking about, is the “fall of Berlin
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wall”
.
Even though
, it happened a long time ago, when I
still
was a young boy, in 1989, I can
still
remember the day
vividly
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because
I was
actually
watching the
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event
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on our television. By the way, the Berlin
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wall
was erected
in 1961 by the then communist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of East Germany in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the fleeing of its citizens to West Germany. This Berlin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wall
divided families who found themselves unable to visit each other.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
East Berliners were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off from their jobs while the West Berliners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
demonstrating against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wall
. This
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wall
didn’t
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just
divide the Berliners
physically
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but
also
ideologically
since the countries, divided by the
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wall
, represented completely two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
systems.
Even though
nobody was
really
expecting such an unexpected and dramatic fall of the Berlin
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Wall
, it had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant effects in reshaping the international relations and the geopolitics of all the countries in the world.

Anyway
, it is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
in the
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history
of the
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world
,
primarily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the tensions and
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
cold war
between the two blocks of the
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world
: one
was led
the communist Soviet Union while the other block
was led
by the ‘
so
-called’ leader of the free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
also
led the way in reducing the arms race which had cost both the countries (the USA and the USSR) and their supporting nations billions of dollars.
Essentially
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
made the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
much less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and more peaceful for living.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS speaking Describe an important event in global history. v. 1

Speaking
  American English
4 paragraphs
376 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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