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Describe an accident you saw. v.1

Describe an accident you saw. v.1
Describe an accident you saw. You should say: where the accident occurred where you were then how you felt about it and explain how you felt about it. Follow-up Questions: What should be done to reduce road accidents? Who should be responsible for the accidents? What damages do you think occurs when an accident takes place?   Model Answer 1: Nobody really likes “accidents”, but still, they take place and affect our lives significantly when it is least expected. Today, I would like to talk about one such accident which took place at one of the major and busiest intersections of my hometown. If I remember it correctly, I was coming back from my work by a public bus on a Friday late afternoon. The road was a bit more busy and congested than usual perhaps because of the rush to return home quickly from work. The traffics of both small and big vehicles were flowing from all directions through 6 major roads with at least 2 roads curving down slightly while approaching the intersection. On a regular day with regular traffic flow and regular traffic speed, of course, this slight road “anomaly” wouldn’t exactly pose much of a problem or risk unless a significant number of new drivers/people out of the town, who are unfamiliar with this road “anomaly”, was driving in those roads and trying to take over each other in hurry. But, unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened on that “fateful” Friday afternoon, and the result was a sudden and unavoidable “accident” between a 12-wheel truck and a private car as the big truck was trying to overtake the car at a dangerous speed in order to avoid the “red” traffic signal while hitting the car, leaving at least one car passenger seriously injured. The accident happened so fast that I just stared at the accident site in “shock and fear” with a “numb” feeling on my whole body for a while. Anyway, after witnessing the accident, I initially felt very shocked and scared. Then, after recollecting myself, I felt a sense of real anger and rage in me as if I was going to “hurt” the truck driver because of his senseless and totally irresponsible acts. I also felt that I needed to take up the issue to the road authority so that they could immediate steps to “fix” the roads as soon as possible in the greater interest of public safety.   Sample Answer 2: The most mortifying accident that I have ever witnessed is the one that I saw near (. . . say the name of the place. . . ) while a train smashed a passenger bus near an intersection. I saw the accident almost 4 years ago and I can remember the event vividly even today, and the experience still traumatises me. I was on my way to my hometown on a vacation from the capital city where I’m currently residing in. There is a train pass/cross on the road and our bus stopped at the signal. I was busy reading a magazine and all of a sudden, I heard a loud crashing sound and I looked through the window. What I saw was unimaginable - the fast passing train had hit a bus that was trying to pass the intersection. The bus flew away like a toy and we could hear the unbearable screaming of victims. Lots of people had gathered there and the train was passing slowly. People became speechless on the effect of the devastating accident. I could see people trying to help the wounded sufferers and 2-3 ambulances reached there after 15 minutes or so. The bus driver was blamed for the incident and I heard that he was dead too. Our bus could not move forward as traffic broke down. The wounded people were taken to nearby hospitals and the dead bodies were placed in a nearby field. The entire place became a dismal area and people mourned on the event. I started feeling sick and tried to help the wounded people. I have witnessed more than 30 people lying dead and their relatives were crying and mourning ruefully. I left the place after 4/5 hours and could not think of anything else. The whole event occurred in a few minutes and the effect was devastating. I had spent nearly 2 weeks in a hallucination and thought a lot about the people who died there and about their grieving relatives. It came to my mind that, our life is hanging on the cliffs and we are sometimes so helpless.   Describe an accident you saw (funny).
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Describe
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saw
. You should say: where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
occurred where you were then how you
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felt
about it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
how you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
felt
about it. Follow-up Questions: What should
be done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
? Who should be responsible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accidents
? What damages do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
occurs when an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
?
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Model Answer 1:

Nobody
really
likes
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“accidents”
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
, they take
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place
and affect our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
significantly
when it is least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, I would like to talk about one such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
which took
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
at one of the major and busiest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intersections
of my hometown.

If I remember it
correctly
, I was coming back from my work by a public bus on a Friday late afternoon. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
was a bit more busy and congested than usual perhaps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the rush to return home
quickly
from work. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffics
of both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
vehicles were flowing from all directions through 6 major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
with at least 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
curving down
slightly
while approaching the
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intersection
. On a regular day with regular
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traffic
flow and regular
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traffic
speed,
of course
, this slight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
“anomaly” wouldn’t exactly pose much of a problem or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
unless a significant number of new drivers/
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
out of the town, who are unfamiliar with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
“anomaly”, was driving in those
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roads
and
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trying
to take over each other in hurry.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened on that “fateful” Friday afternoon, and the result was a sudden and unavoidable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“accident”
between a 12-wheel truck and a private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
as the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
truck was
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trying
to overtake the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
speed in order to avoid the “red”
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
signal while hitting the
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car
, leaving at least one
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car
passenger
seriously
injured. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
happened
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
that I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stared at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
site in “shock and fear” with a “numb” feeling on my whole body for a while.

Anyway
, after witnessing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
, I
initially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
shocked and scared. Then, after recollecting myself, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
felt
a sense of real anger and rage in me as if I was going to “hurt” the truck driver
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his senseless and
totally
irresponsible acts. I
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
felt
that I needed to take up the issue to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
authority
so
that they
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
could immediate
steps to “
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
” the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible in the greater interest of public safety.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Sample Answer 2:

The most mortifying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
that I have ever witnessed is the one that I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saw
near (.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
say
the name of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
while a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
smashed a passenger bus near an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intersection
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saw
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
almost 4 years ago and I can remember the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
vividly
even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, and the experience
still
Possible spelling mistake. 'traumatises' is British English.
traumatises
me.

I was on my way to my hometown on a vacation from the capital city where I’m
currently
residing in. There is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
pass/cross on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
and our bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
at the signal. I was busy reading a magazine and all of a sudden, I heard a loud crashing sound and I looked through the window. What I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saw
was unimaginable
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
passing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
had hit a bus that was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trying
to pass the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intersection
. The bus flew away like a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
toy and
we could hear the unbearable screaming of victims. Lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had gathered there and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
was passing
slowly
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
became speechless on the effect of the devastating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
. I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trying
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the wounded sufferers and 2-3 ambulances reached there after 15 minutes or
so
. The bus driver
was blamed
for the incident and I heard that he was dead too. Our bus could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
broke down. The wounded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were taken
to nearby hospitals and the dead bodies
were placed
in a nearby field. The entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
became a dismal area and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mourned on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
feeling sick and tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the wounded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

I have witnessed more than 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lying dead and their relatives were crying and mourning
ruefully
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
after 4/5 hours and could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of anything else. The whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
occurred in a few minutes and the effect was devastating. I had spent
nearly
2 weeks in a hallucination and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
a lot about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
there and about their grieving relatives. It came to my mind that, our life is hanging on the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cliffs and
we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
so
helpless.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Describe
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accident
you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saw
(
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
).
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
69Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS speaking Describe an accident you saw. v.1

Speaking
  American English
8 paragraphs
769 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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