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Describe a success you have had when you were young. v.1

Describe a success you have had when you were young. v. 1
Describe a success you have had when you were young. You should say: what it was and when it happened why you chose this area of activity how easy or difficult it was to achieve and explain how important this success was for you.   Model Answer 1: This is such an interesting topic because it actually has forced me to redefine success. Was I ever really successful as a young person? Well, to tell the truth, I can’t really think of many successes, which I enjoyed, as a young person except just a few. Today, I would like to share with you one such success story. Anyway, to tell the story, as a young person, especially in my early high school days, I just loved eating all kinds of cakes. In fact, I was eating those cakes, especially the chocolate ones, and wondering how people could make such wonderful and delicious cakes! Sometimes, I even used to ask myself if I would also ever be able to bake such delicious cake one day while also giving it a try at my home at times despite the vehement objection of my mother. By the way, her strong opposition to my cake baking venture was not misplaced because every time I used to try baking a cake in her kitchen, I would make a complete mess out of her whole kitchen. Then, one day, I decided that I would enrol at a culinary school to learn about cake baking. Initially, my parents just laughed off my idea because they thought that it would be just some waste of time. But, I was adamant about perfect cake baking learning techniques and skills. Finally, after attending the culinary school for a good 6 week period of time, I succeeded in becoming a champion in a cake baking competition, organized by the institute. Of course, it wasn’t easy, but I enjoyed every minute of the competition and the associated success. Anyway, this success was a really important one for me because it was a great confidence-booster for an average student like me. In fact, after that success, I felt that I could do much better at my school. Besides, it also gave me an idea on how to become a successful entrepreneur because, later on, after finishing university, I started a small business also along with continuing my full-time job.   Sample Answer 2: The success I think I am proud of is my outstanding performance in the board final exam that I attended many years back. I got the highest mark in our locality and because of that I got many congratulations and this success story was reported in the local newspaper. It was the year 2002 (. . . say a year that suits you. . . ) when I passed my school board final exam. I can't recall the exact month the result was published but that would be either January or February. Since this "success" or "achievement" was a part of my academic study and exam, and not related to any extracurricular activity, I would say it happened naturally and I had no involvement in choosing it. To say more specifically, if someone achieves some successes in photography or in art, s/he has some history how and why she came to photography or art, what was the motivation etc. but for me that success was an academic success and I did not have to choose anything. I needed to study attentively, though. I followed a rigid study routine for a couple of years and that helped me achieve this success. I would say that it was easy to achieve as I had a planned routine that I followed and I enjoyed reading my academic lessons. I have devoted a great deal of time reading academic books, reference books, different magazines related to subjects, took note, did group discussions and other activities and all those activities helped me to achieve this success. This was an important success for me as it highly inspired me to do better in my further academic years. This success gave me the impression that if I can do better, my hard work would be rewarded accordingly and I would be in a better position in my future. Thus this success inspired me to achieve the next success.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Describe
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
you have had when you were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
. You should say: what it was and when it happened why you chose this area of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
how easy or difficult it was to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
was for you.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Model Answer 1:

This is such an interesting topic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
actually
has forced me to redefine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. Was I ever
really
successful as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person?
Well
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the truth, I can’t
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successes
, which I enjoyed, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person except
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, I would like to share with you one such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
story.

Anyway
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the story, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person,
especially
in my early high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
days, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
eating all kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cakes
. In fact, I was eating those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cakes
,
especially
the chocolate ones, and wondering how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
such wonderful and delicious cakes!

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, I even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to ask myself if I would
also
ever be able to bake such delicious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
one day while
also
giving it a try at my home at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
despite the vehement objection of my mother. By the way, her strong opposition to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
baking
venture was not misplaced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
baking
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
in her kitchen, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a complete mess out of her whole kitchen.

Then, one day, I decided that I would enrol at a culinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
baking
.
Initially
, my parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
laughed off my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I was adamant about perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
baking
learning techniques and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Finally
, after attending the culinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "6-week"
6 week
period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, I succeeded in becoming a champion in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
baking
competition, organized by the institute.
Of course
, it wasn’t easy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I enjoyed every minute of the competition and the associated success.

Anyway
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
was a
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one for me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was a great confidence-booster for an average student like me. In fact, after that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, I felt that I could do much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
at my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Besides
, it
also
gave me an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
on how to become a successful entrepreneur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, later on, after finishing university, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
business
also
along with continuing my full-time job.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Sample Answer 2:

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
I am proud of is my outstanding performance in the board final exam that I attended
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years back. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the highest mark in our locality and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
congratulations and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
story
was reported
in the local newspaper.

It was the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2002 (.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
say
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
that suits you.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
when I passed my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
board final exam. I can't recall the exact month the result
was published
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that would be either January or February.

Since this
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
success
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
or
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
achievement
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
was a part of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
study and exam, and not related to any extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, I would say it happened
naturally
and I had no involvement in choosing it. To say more
specifically
, if someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successes
in photography or in art, s/he has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
history how and why she came to photography or art, what was the motivation etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
was an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
and I did not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose anything. I needed to study
attentively
, though. I followed a rigid study routine for a couple of years and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
would say that it was easy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
as I had a planned routine that I followed and I enjoyed reading my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
lessons.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have devoted a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
books, reference books,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
magazines related to subjects, took note, did group discussions and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and all those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
this success.

This was an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
for me as it
highly
inspired me to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in my
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
years. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
gave me the impression that if I can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
, my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work would
be rewarded
accordingly
and I would be in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
position in my future.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
inspired me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
66Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes

IELTS speaking Describe a success you have had when you were young. v. 1

Speaking
  American English
10 paragraphs
721 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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