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Describe a success or an achievement in your life. v.1

Describe a success or an achievement in your life. v. 1
Describe a success or an achievement in your life. You should say: what it is when did you achieve it what you did to achieve it and describe how you felt after you achieved it. [You will have to talk about the topic for one to two minutes. You have one minute to think about what you are going to say. You can make some notes to help you if you wish. ]   Model Answer: I have read and heard about many success stories of other people, and they made me feel really good and motivated. However, I am not sure if my success story here would make anybody feel good or motivated, but it is still worth giving a good try. Back in my university years, about 7 years ago, I developed a hobby of “gardening”. I became interested in this hobby also because I wanted to take part in a competition, organized by my own city government, in order to win the “best gardener” award of the year.   Of course, the problem was that gardening required a significant amount of time and efforts to become successful. Starting a new part-time job with good salary unexpectedly, shortly after starting gardening, didn’t help my cause either. But, I just didn’t want to give up on the idea of gardening because I already spent some good money and time in nurturing it. So, I decided to work on better time management by cutting short on TV watching. Then, I also started to meet my friends a lot less in order to work extra time in gardening. By the way, my garden had at least 15 different kinds of plants, including paper-bark maple, ornamental cherry, Rowans and Japanese dogwood, which required some really good care. In this way, my gardening work had continued for the next one year or so when I was finally ready to take part in the competition. And, my “beautiful garden” didn’t disappoint me at all as it helped me achieve the 2nd best award in the “best gardener” competition. I felt really good after I received the award in the competition, as I wasn’t too sure about the success of my hard works. In fact, after the success, I was convinced that if we really work hard and be patient, the success would come on our way sooner or later. Finally, I also felt really happy and proud because of the fact that my little initiative and success would go a long way to make my city look more green and beautiful.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Describe
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
or an achievement in your life. You should say: what it is when did you achieve it what you did to achieve it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
how you felt after you achieved it. [You will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
talk about the topic for one to two minutes. You have one minute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about what you are going to say. You can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
notes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you if you wish.
Loose punctuation mark.
]
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Model Answer:

I have read and heard about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
stories of other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and they made me feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and motivated.
However
, I am not sure if my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
story here would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
anybody
The pronoun 'anybody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "feels", "felt".
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
or motivated,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
still
worth giving a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
try.

Back in my university years, about 7 years ago, I developed a hobby of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“gardening”
. I became interested in this hobby
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in a competition, organized by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, in order to win the “best gardener” award of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Of course
, the problem was that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gardening
required a significant amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and efforts to become successful. Starting a new part-time job with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
salary
unexpectedly
, shortly after starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gardening
, didn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
my cause either.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
didn’t want to give up on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gardening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I already spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in nurturing it.

So
, I decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management by cutting short on TV watching. Then, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
my friends a lot less in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gardening
. By the way, my garden had at least 15
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of plants, including paper-bark maple, ornamental cherry, Rowans and Japanese dogwood, which required
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
care. In this way, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gardening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
had continued for the
next
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
or
so
when I was
finally
ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the competition. And, my “
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
garden” didn’t disappoint me at all as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me achieve the 2nd best award in the “best gardener” competition.

I felt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
after I received the award in the competition, as I wasn’t
Did you mean "to sure"?
too sure
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
works. In fact, after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, I
was convinced
that if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and be patient, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
on our way sooner or later.
Finally
, I
also
felt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
happy and proud
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
initiative and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
would go a long way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
my city look more green and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS speaking Describe a success or an achievement in your life. v. 1

Speaking
  American English
5 paragraphs
427 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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