Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Describe a person you wanted to be similar to when you were growing up. v.1

Describe a person you wanted to be similar to when you were growing up. v. 1
Describe a person you wanted to be similar to when you were growing up. You should say: who he/she was how you met him/her what qualities/attributes of this person inspired you and explain why you wanted to be like him/her. [You will have to talk about the topic for one to two minutes. You have one minute to think about what you are going to say. You can make some notes to help you if you wish. ]   Model Answer 1: I have always wanted to become my “own person” without ever worrying too much about becoming like “another person” when I was growing up as a child. Of course, I would never mind sharing some of their good qualities and characteristics if they really were to help me become a better person in life. So, from that point of views, if I ever wanted to become similar to another person, it had to be “Warrant Buffet”, often being referred to as the “Oracle of Omaha”. Some even like to call him the “Business Guru” while the others prefer to call him the “Investment Guru”. I never met Warren Buffett before, nor would he have the time to meet a growing young boy like me without any valid reasons. But, what I had learnt after reading so much about him on newspapers and journals, I was pretty sure that I already knew him way, way better than what could have been possible after meeting him in person for a few hours or even for a few months. I wanted to become like Warren Buffett because he had some qualities and attributes that had always inspired me as a young boy as well as a young man. Having learnt so much about him, who got into “money-making business” at an age of 6, by selling gum sticks in his neighborhood, and then becoming a billionaire at an age of 50 while still earning a humble $50, 000 yearly salary from Berkshire Hathaway (a multinational holding company owned and operated by Warren Buffett), I was pretty certain that this “money making machine” was into “achieving” his wealth rather than “acquiring” them at any cost unlike many other businessmen around the world. Besides, learning how this great businessman would use to wake up at around 4: 30 am in the morning at a tender age of 13 in order to deliver the copies of the Washington Post newspaper, I just wished that I could become like a young Warrant Buffett so that I could also make some fortunes for myself. Finally, when I came to know during my university final year about 8 years ago that Warren Buffett, with a net worth of about $ 66 billion back then, had donated more than 25% of his wealth for charities while leaving only a tiny fraction for his children, I was pretty sure that the world could use a few more people like him. Of course, the only problem was that people like Warren Buffett didn’t exactly come in “dime a dozen” kind of deals every once in a while. But, still, my young heart never really hesitated to expect to become a person like him when I was growing up to learn about the world of “money” around me.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Describe
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wanted
to be similar to when you were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
up. You should say: who he/she was how you met him/her what qualities/attributes of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
inspired you and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wanted
to be like him/her. [You will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
talk about the topic for one to two minutes. You have one minute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about what you are going to say. You can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
notes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you if you wish.
Loose punctuation mark.
]
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Model Answer 1: I have always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wanted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
my “
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person”
without ever worrying too much about becoming like “another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person”
when I was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
up as a child.
Of course
, I would never mind sharing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
qualities and characteristics if they
really
were to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in life.
So
, from that point of views, if I ever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wanted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
similar to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, it had to be “Warrant Buffet”,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
being referred
to as the “Oracle of Omaha”.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
even like to call him the “Business Guru” while the others prefer to call him the “Investment Guru”.

I never met Warren Buffett
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, nor would he have the time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
boy like me without any valid reasons.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, what I had
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
after reading
so
much about him on newspapers and journals, I was pretty sure that I already knew him way, way better than what could have been possible after meeting him in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
for a few hours or even for a few months.

I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wanted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
like Warren Buffett
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
qualities and attributes that had always inspired me as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
boy as
well
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. Having
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
so
much about him, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
into “money-making business” at an age of 6, by selling gum sticks in his neighborhood, and then becoming a billionaire at an age of 50 while
still
earning a humble $50, 000 yearly salary from Berkshire Hathaway (a multinational holding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
and operated by Warren Buffett), I was pretty certain that this “money making machine” was into “achieving” his wealth
rather
than “acquiring” them at any cost unlike
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other businessmen around the world.

Besides
, learning how this great businessman would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to wake up at around 4: 30
This is redundant. Consider using "am".
am in the morning
at a tender age of 13 in order to deliver the copies of the Washington Post newspaper, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
wished that I could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Warrant Buffett
so
that I could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fortunes for myself.
Finally
, when I came to know during my university final year about 8 years ago that Warren Buffett, with a net worth of about
The currency mark is usually written without any whitespace: "$66".
$ 66
billion back then, had donated more than 25% of his wealth for charities while leaving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a tiny fraction for his children, I was pretty sure that the world could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a few more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like him.

Of course
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
problem was that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like Warren Buffett didn’t exactly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in “
dime a dozen
” kind of deals every once in a while.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
still
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
heart never
really
hesitated to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
like him when I was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
up to learn about the world of “money” around me.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS speaking Describe a person you wanted to be similar to when you were growing up. v. 1

Speaking
  American English
5 paragraphs
547 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts