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Your local hospital has advertised people to do unpaid work helping at the hospital. You would like to do some work at the hospital in your free time. v.2

Your local hospital has advertised people to do unpaid work helping at the hospital. You would like to do some work at the hospital in your free time. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, It is magnificent to see such an admirable initiative from your part to motivate people to do some unpaid work to help your hospital in our town. While the advertisement doesn’t exactly say what kind of unpaid work for which you are seeking help, I think that I could still be a part of this great initiative, simply because it would allow me to help ill people in the hospital while utilising my spare time to do something good for others. Besides, this little unpaid work experience would enable me to learn something noble that I would be able to use for the rest of my life. Again, I understand that you haven’t asked to fill in any specific vacant job positions in your advertisement, but I would surely love to assist a nurse or doctor in taking the temperatures of patients as well as checking their blood pressure to name a few ways I can help them. So, please consider me for the position of an 'unpaid worker' as that would not only allow me to gain some valuable experience but also help your regular staffs to reduce some of their extra word loads. By the way, I am available to work every day from Monday to Friday from 4 pm to 7. 30 pm. Yours faithfully, Adrian Farrel
Dear Sir or Madam,

It is magnificent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
such an admirable initiative from your part to motivate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
your hospital in our town. While the advertisement doesn’t exactly say what kind of unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for which you are seeking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that I could
still
be a part of this great initiative,
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
ill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the hospital while
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
my spare time to do something
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for others.

Besides
, this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience would enable me to learn something noble that I would be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for the rest of my life. Again, I understand that you haven’t asked to fill in any specific vacant job positions in your advertisement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I would
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to assist a nurse or doctor in taking the temperatures of patients
as well
as checking their blood pressure to name a few ways I can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
consider me for the position of an 'unpaid worker' as that would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valuable experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
your regular staffs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their extra word loads. By the way, I am available to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
every day from Monday to Friday from 4 pm to 7. 30 pm.

Yours
faithfully
,

Adrian
Possible spelling mistake found.
Farrel
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS letter Your local hospital has advertised people to do unpaid work helping at the hospital. You would like to do some work at the hospital in your free time. v. 2

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
223 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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