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Your local hospital has advertised people to do unpaid work helping at the hospital. You would like to do some work at the hospital in your free time. v.1

Your local hospital has advertised people to do unpaid work helping at the hospital. You would like to do some work at the hospital in your free time. v. 1
Dear Sir or Madam, In response to a recent advertisement broadcast on television, I would like to offer myself as an enlistee for the unpaid work at your hospital. I consider this a great chance to serve the patients and best utilise my spare time for humanitarian works. I am hoping that you would let me offer my service. My parents are doctors and they devote their professional lives to serve people and society as a whole. I am highly inspired by them and want to do something of my own for people who need care. What can be a better place to assist people than in a hospital? Moreover, I have around two hours to spare each day in the evening and I live nearby. I would like to best use the superfluous hours of my daily routine in philanthropic work. I have previous experiences of doing some voluntary works for our community. I can assist a professional nurse, take care of babies, help patients to move and bring them meals. I am, in reality, ready to learn to do any type of work to help people in this hospital. I can work from 5: 00 pm to 7: 00 pm every day except on Saturday. Hope you hear your positive response and start my work soon. Yours faithfully, Sara Sandler
Dear Sir or Madam,

In response to a recent advertisement broadcast on television, I would like to offer myself as an enlistee for the unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at your hospital. I consider this a great chance to serve the patients and best
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
my spare time for humanitarian works. I am hoping that you would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me offer my service.

My parents are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
doctors and
they devote their professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to serve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and society as a whole. I am
highly
inspired by them and want to do something of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who need care. What can be a better place to assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than in a hospital?
Moreover
, I have around two hours to spare each day in the evening and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
nearby. I would like to best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the superfluous hours of my daily routine in philanthropic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. I have previous experiences of doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
voluntary works for our community.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
can assist a professional nurse, take care of babies,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
patients to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
and bring them meals.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am, in reality, ready to learn to do any type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this hospital.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from 5: 00 pm to 7: 00 pm every day except on Saturday.

Hope you hear your
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
response and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Sara Sandler
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS letter Your local hospital has advertised people to do unpaid work helping at the hospital. You would like to do some work at the hospital in your free time. v. 1

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
221 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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