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You recently went to a concert and thought one of the singers was very good. You want to tell how you feel. v.3

You recently went to a concert and thought one of the singers was very good. You want to tell how you feel. v. 3
Dear Amy Horner, I am a huge fan of your music and writing to congratulate you for a brilliant performance at the City Emporium yesterday evening which I am sure everyone enjoyed to the fullest. It was simply breathtaking and electrifying to me and my friends who were also present at the concert. I have always dreamt of seeing your performance live and yesterday was one of the best days of my life to have the chance for the first time. I am an aspiring musician and I started playing the electric guitar and drums at a very tender age of 9. I can also play the flute besides composing a few songs for the band I am involved in. In fact, I have been a member of a local music band called "Window of Dreams" for the last six years and we primarily focus on playing pop and rock music. You have always been my idol as a musician and songwriter. I am sure you are terribly busy, but I am really hoping that you would share some tips and provide some mentorship to help me do better in music. I would really appreciate if you can spare some of your precious time to guide me which will eventually be a great help for me to further enhance my skills and boost my confidence. Thank you very much for your contributions to the music world. Yours sincerely, Emily Knight
Dear Amy
Possible spelling mistake found.
Horner
,

I am a huge fan of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and writing to congratulate you for a brilliant performance at the City Emporium yesterday evening which I am sure everyone enjoyed to the fullest. It was
simply
breathtaking and electrifying to me and my friends who were
also
present at the concert. I have always dreamt of seeing your performance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and yesterday was one of the best days of my life to have the chance for the
first
time.

I am an aspiring musician and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
playing the electric guitar and drums at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tender age of 9.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
can
also
play the flute
besides
composing a few songs for the band I
am involved
in. In fact, I have been a member of a local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
band called
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Window of Dreams
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
for the last six
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
years and
we
primarily
focus on playing pop and rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. You have always been my idol as a musician and songwriter.

I am sure you are
terribly
busy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am
really
hoping that you would share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tips and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mentorship to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me do better in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. I would
really
appreciate if you can spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of your precious time to guide me which will
eventually
be a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for me to
further
enhance my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and boost my confidence.

Thank you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much for your contributions to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
world.

Yours
sincerely
,

Emily Knight
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS letter You recently went to a concert and thought one of the singers was very good. You want to tell how you feel. v. 3

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
239 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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