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you have seen an advertisement in magazine. Write a letter to apply for job

Dear Sir, I am writing this letter in regard to the advertisement seen in ‘Trending’ magazine for a care taker. I am Sachi and I would like to apply for the same. I am a student of Melbourne University and presently going to appear for my final term exams. My course of study is “early childhood and developmental areas”. I have theoretically studied about the children at younger age, I believe that I am a fit candidate and I can work on gross motor skills of your ward. I am interested in this job because I have eight months in hand to pursue another diploma of one year and I want to bear my own expenses. Moreover, I am a child loving person and I feel happy whenever I am with children. I think that with this job, I would be able to learn computer skills from a nearby center during my free time. I am available after 10th of this month and I look forward to meet you and discuss the details. Thanking you in anticipation. Yours faithfully, Sachi
Dear Sir,

I am writing this letter in regard to the advertisement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in ‘Trending’ magazine for a care taker. I am
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachi
and I would like to apply for the same.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am a student of Melbourne University and
presently
going to appear for my final term exams. My course of study is “early childhood and developmental areas”. I have
theoretically
studied about the children at younger age, I believe that I am a fit candidate and I can work on gross motor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of your ward. I
am interested
in this job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I have eight months in hand to pursue another diploma of one year and I want to bear my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
expenses.
Moreover
, I am a child loving person and I feel happy whenever I am with children. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that with this job, I would be able to learn computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from a nearby center during my free time.

I am available after 10th of this month and I look forward to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
you and discuss the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

Thanking you in anticipation.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachi
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IELTS letter you have seen an advertisement in magazine. Write a letter to apply for job

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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