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You have just bought a new mobile phone from a website on the internet. When it was delivered, the phone was faulty. v.4

You have just bought a new mobile phone from a website on the internet. When it was delivered, the phone was faulty. v. 4
Dear Sir or Madam, I am Wesley Phillip from Boston, USA. Three days ago I ordered a Samsung Galaxy J8 smartphone from your online store. I was excited when it arrived earlier today but very disappointed to find that the product was faulty and not the one I ordered! I am hoping you will replace it immediately. In relation to the specifics of the order, I purchased this mobile phone through your website called Phone and Gadgets on July 17th using my PayPal account. The order number is 56900145 and I am attaching a copy of my receipt. The issue with the phone is that the front camera does not work and the internal memory is 128 GB, though I ordered a 256 GB phone. The description of the item on your website clearly shows it is a 256 GB phone, so I am sure this is a mistake made on your side while dispatching the product. As a solution, and because I really like this specific model, I am hoping that you will agree to replace the phone according to the specification of the order. Otherwise, I would like a full refund and I will be contacting PayPal complaints if I do not hear back from you in regards to this within a week. Thank you for giving the matter your attention and I hope to hear your reply soon. Yours faithfully, Wesley Phillip
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am Wesley Phillip from Boston, USA. Three days ago I ordered a Samsung Galaxy J8 smartphone from your online store. I
was excited
when it arrived earlier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
disappointed to find that the product was faulty and not the one I ordered! I am hoping you will replace it immediately.

In relation to the specifics of the order, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
this mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
through your website called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Phone
and Gadgets on July 17th using my PayPal account. The order number is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
56900145 and
I am attaching a copy of my receipt.

The issue with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is that the front camera does not work and the internal memory is 128 GB, though I ordered a 256 GB
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
description of the item on your website
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
it is a 256 GB
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I am sure this is a mistake made on your side while dispatching the product.

As a solution, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
really
like this specific model, I am hoping that you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to replace the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
according to the specification of the order.
Otherwise
, I would like a full refund and I will be contacting PayPal complaints if I do not hear back from you
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
this within a week.

Thank you for giving the matter your attention and I hope to hear your reply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Wesley Phillip
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS letter You have just bought a new mobile phone from a website on the internet. When it was delivered, the phone was faulty. v. 4

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
234 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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