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You are studying overseas. You need to return to your country before the end of the semester for a family event. v.2

You are studying overseas. You need to return to your country before the end of the semester for a family event. v. 2
Dear Ms Corey, I am pursuing my graduation in computer science at your college and I am in my fifth semester. I am writing to request some time off classes, so as to ensure my presence in a family event in my home country next month. But I can assure that I will get back to my classes on time and cover my studies. You would be glad to know that my sister is getting married on 5th September and as the only elder sibling, a major share of responsibilities rests on my shoulders to precede and conduct the programme in a well-appreciated manner. My presence in the rituals is highly expected. Therefore, I would request you to allow me the leave for a week starting from 1st September. I can assure you that I will resume my classes on 7th September. It is almost certain that after beholding the functions and post-marriage formalities, I will fly my way back within a week's time. Finally, I pledge to you that, this short period of time, by no means, will hinder my preparation for the semester final. I am quite keen about this and hereby reassure you that my studies will not suffer. Yours sincerely, Vineeth Vera
Dear Ms Corey,

I am pursuing my graduation in computer science at your
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
college and
I am in my fifth semester. I am writing to request
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off classes,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
ensure my presence in a family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
in my home country
next
month.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I can assure that I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back to my classes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and cover my studies.

You would be glad to know that my sister is getting married on 5th September and as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
elder sibling, a major share of responsibilities rests on my shoulders to precede and conduct the
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
Consider replacing "in a well-appreciated manner" with the adverb for "well-appreciated"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a well-appreciated manner
. My presence in the rituals is
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
Therefore
, I would request you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me the 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
for a week starting from 1st September.

I can assure you that I will resume my classes on 7th September. It is almost certain that after beholding the functions and post-marriage formalities, I will
fly
my way back within a week's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Finally
, I pledge to you that, this short period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, by no means, will hinder my preparation for the semester final. I am quite keen about this and hereby reassure you that my studies will not suffer.

Yours
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Vineeth
Vera
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS letter You are studying overseas. You need to return to your country before the end of the semester for a family event. v. 2

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
204 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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