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You are organising a graduation party for your class and you want to book a restaurant. v.3

You are organising a graduation party for your class and you want to book a restaurant. v. 3
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to book your restaurant for a graduation party we are going to celebrate on 27th August. I, along with my family, have visited your restaurant several times and would like to organise the party in your restaurant. I am hoping to get further information and a confirmation of the availability of your party hall on that day. Delicious food, ambient environment and the behaviour of your waiters were very impressive so far. So, when we were planning to organise a party, your service came to my mind first and I have decided to book it. This would be a graduation party for around 25 students and we will enjoy every bit of it. I am sure you have already arranged other graduation parties and know well about the nature of this sort of party including noise, gathering and need for quick service. As I have already mentioned, the program will be held on 27th August. Some friends might use drinks for them and I hope you can arrange it. We need the hall room from 6: 00 pm to 9: 30 pm. Please inform me about your menu for dinner as well as the projected cost to serve the party at your restaurant. I also hope to get a discount as a regular customer. I will be waiting for your response. Yours faithfully, Sudip Pant
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to book your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
for a graduation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
we are going to celebrate on 27th August. I, along with my family, have visited your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
several times and would like to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am hoping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
further
information and a confirmation of the availability of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
hall on that day.

Delicious food, ambient environment and the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of your waiters were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
impressive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, when we were planning to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
, your service came to my mind
first
and I have decided to book it. This would be a graduation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
for around 25
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
students and
we will enjoy every bit of it. I am sure you have already arranged other graduation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
and know well about the nature of this sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
including noise, gathering and need for quick service.

As I have already mentioned, the program will
be held
on 27th August.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
friends might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
drinks for them and I hope you can arrange it. We need the hall room from 6: 00 pm to 9: 30 pm.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
inform me about your menu for dinner
as well
as the projected cost to serve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
at your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
. I
also
hope to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a discount as a regular customer.

I will be waiting for your response.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Sudip
Pant
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS letter You are organising a graduation party for your class and you want to book a restaurant. v. 3

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
231 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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