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You and your family are living in rented accommodation in an English-speaking country. You are not satisfied with the condition of some of the furniture. v.2

You and your family are living in rented accommodation in an English-speaking country. You are not satisfied with the condition of some of the furniture. v. 2
Dear Ms Linda, I am a tenant in one of your properties in William Street, Norwood. I am writing this letter to bring your attention to some of the substandard furniture that you have provided as part of our rental agreement. I am hoping that you would either fix them or replace them with new ones. In relation to the specifics, I live in apartment 17B with my family for the last 4 months. We were excited when we moved into this apartment but disappointed when we found that a couple of furniture and appliances were old and torn down. The sofa set in the living room has the worst condition. The colour of the cushion has faded out and they are not usable. The coffee table has a broken leg. Besides, the refrigerator in the kitchen does not maintain the desired temperature accurately and the grocery cupboard door locks are missing. Overall, some of the furniture and stuff you have provided are in faulty conditions. I request you to look into this matter urgently. I recommend you to arrange for the repair and maintenance of the living room furniture and replace the fridge. New keys for the cupboard can be prepared by a locksmith. I expect your action on this as soon as possible, as these problems are affecting our living and well-being. Yours Sincerely, Ramesh Roy
Dear Ms Linda,

I am a tenant in one of your properties in William Street, Norwood. I am writing this letter to bring your attention to
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
substandard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
furniture
that you have provided as part of our rental agreement.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am hoping that you would either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
them or replace them with new ones.

In relation to the specifics, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in apartment 17B with my family for the last 4 months. We
were excited
when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
into this apartment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
disappointed when we found that a couple of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
furniture
and appliances were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and torn down. The sofa set in the living room has the worst condition. The
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
of the cushion has faded
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
out and
they are not usable.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
coffee table has a broken leg.
Besides
, the refrigerator in the kitchen does not maintain the desired temperature
accurately
and the grocery cupboard door locks are missing.
Overall
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
furniture
and stuff you have provided are in faulty conditions.

I request you to look into this matter
urgently
. I recommend you to arrange for the repair and maintenance of the living room
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
furniture
and replace the fridge. New keys for the cupboard can
be prepared
by a locksmith. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
your action on this as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible, as these problems are affecting our living and well-being.

Yours
Sincerely
,

Ramesh Roy
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS letter You and your family are living in rented accommodation in an English-speaking country. You are not satisfied with the condition of some of the furniture. v. 2

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
226 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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