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write letter regarding noise coming from new college canteen till late night

write letter regarding noise coming from new college canteen till late night lqkrD
Dear Sir, I am student of final year B. Tech (Automobile Engineering). I am putting up in college hostel beside new college canteen opened last month. This is high time, to pull your attention towards the high amount of noise being coming from new college canteen till late mid-night. Its the thing of everyday. There are various kinds of noises keeps on disturbing firstly continuous talking of students, even sometimes shouting. Second on the list the loud and discomforting music being played. On top of this the noise coming from the vehicle movement makes ears bleed at night. Sir this is leading to restlessness and reduced hours of sleep. Me and other students are not able to keep up with our studies in the night time resulting the decreased grades in term papers. We would like to request you to either reduce the operating hours of the canteen till 8 pm or place notices and signs to control high level of noise with strict instructions to canteen manager to ensure the same. kind regardsBhupender Singh
Dear Sir, I am student of final year B. Tech (Automobile Engineering). I am putting up in college hostel beside new college canteen opened last month. This is high time, to pull your attention towards the high amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
being coming from new college canteen till late mid-night.
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
Its
the thing of
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. There are various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noises
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
on disturbing
firstly
continuous talking of students, even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
shouting. Second on the list the loud and discomforting music
being played
. On top of this the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
coming from the vehicle movement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
ears bleed at night. Sir this is leading to restlessness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
hours of sleep.
When referring to yourself and somebody else, put their name first. Also check whether the nominative form "I" is required here.
Me
and other students are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with our studies in the
This word is normally spelled as one.
night time
resulting the decreased grades in term papers. We would like to request you to either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the operating hours of the canteen till 8 pm or place notices and signs to control high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
with strict instructions to canteen manager to ensure the same.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
kind
Possible spelling mistake found.
regardsBhupender
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
Singh
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IELTS letter write letter regarding noise coming from new college canteen till late night

Letter
  American English
1 paragraphs
174 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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