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write a letter to become volunteer

write a letter to become volunteer yLOeD
Dear sir, I saw the advertisement in the web last Sunday so today I am writing to apply for the job of a volunteer at the Heart To Heart Charity Office. I have significant experience in teaching and caring about children and i think I met all qualities that you specify. I love this job very much because it has a lot of meaning and I would be thrilled to have the opportunity to fill the position that to become a volunteer at the heart-to-heart charity office. In the past, I used to do charity work with my family in some orphanages. I feel very happy when I see the bright smiles of the orphans. I love the feeling when I take care, teach them or play with them, a feeling that I can never forget. . My favorite part of the job was looking after the the kids and playing games with the them. Last summer, I worked as a teacher to teach Vietnamese for orphaned children at a tutoring center. I provided one-on-one literacy tutoring to the children so All the kids made significant progress after the course. I believe that with my experience and skills would make me a valuable asset to your office. I also hope that by serving as a volunteer I could gain additional experience to help more children. I am hard-working, patient, and reliable, beside I am also a creative person. If necessary, I can send my volunteer references, I will try my best to be able to do my job well at the heart to heart charity office. I would be available for an interview any day after school or at weekends. . If my application is successful, I can start working from next week in the afternoons and at weekends. '. I hope to hear back from you very soon. Thank you for your consideration! I look forward to hearing from you,
Dear sir,

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the advertisement
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the web".
in the web
last Sunday
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
I am writing to apply for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Heart
To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Charity
Office.

I have significant experience in teaching and caring about children and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
I met all qualities that you specify.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
meaning and I would
be thrilled
to have the opportunity to fill the position that to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
at the heart-to-heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
office. In the past, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
work with my family in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
orphanages. I feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the bright smiles of the orphans. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
the feeling when I take care, teach them or play with them, a feeling that I can never forget.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
My favorite part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
was looking after
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
kids and playing games with
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "them"?
the them
. Last summer, I worked as a teacher to teach Vietnamese for orphaned children at a tutoring center. I provided one-on-one literacy tutoring to the children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
All the kids made significant progress after the course.

I believe that with my experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me a valuable asset to your office.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
also
hope that by serving as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
I could gain additional experience to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
more children.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working, patient, and reliable, beside I am
also
a creative person. If necessary, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
references, I will try my best to be able to do my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
well at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heart
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charity
office.

I would be available for an interview any day after school or at weekends.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
If my application is successful, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working from
next
week in the afternoons and at weekends. '. I hope to hear back from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Thank you for your consideration! I look forward to hearing from you,
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IELTS letter write a letter to become volunteer

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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