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Offer advice on how to improve her eating habits and get fit.

Offer advice on how to improve her eating habits and get fit. JwrKa
Dear Seven, Thanks for your letter. How are you? . Hope you and your family are doing well. Sorry that I haven't written for ages, but I have been busy studying. I writing this letter to give some advices on how to improve your eating habits and get fit. I hear that you weigh is over 50 kilogram now. I think it is fat. So first of all you need to get thinner, and The best thing would be for you is to join a gym, or exercise regularly. You also ride a bike instead of driving when you go to work. Because your company is near your home. As far as I know, that ways will help your body burn calories fastly. And body won't store so much fat. Parallel with that you can follow a healthy diet and must maintain regularly not to put on weight. Like trying not to eat a so much junk food or fast food. Have you thought of eating plenty of fish, food and vegetables. I think this will mean that the body is firm. That is the whole methods that I think it's suitable for you. I hope that my advice helps. Don't forget to write a reply for me about the results of advices. Lots of love, Dong.
Dear Seven, Thanks for your letter. How are you?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Hope you and your family are doing well. Sorry that I haven't written for ages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I have been busy studying.
Did you mean "I'm writing", "I am writing", or "I was writing"?
I writing
this letter to give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advices on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your eating habits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fit. I hear that you weigh is over 50
Possible agreement error. The noun 'kilogram' seems to be countable, so consider using: "kilograms".
kilogram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
you need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
thinner, and The best thing would be for you is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a gym, or exercise
regularly
. You
also
ride a bike
instead
of driving when you go to work.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is near your home. As far as I know, that ways will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
your body burn calories
Possible spelling mistake found.
fastly
. And body won't store
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
. Parallel with that you can follow a healthy diet and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
maintain
regularly
not to put on weight. Like trying not to eat a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much junk food or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food. Have you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of fish, food and vegetables. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this will mean that the body is firm.
That is
the whole methods that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it's suitable for you. I hope that my advice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
. Don't forget to write a reply for me about the results of advices. Lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, Dong.
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IELTS letter Offer advice on how to improve her eating habits and get fit.

Letter
  American English
1 paragraphs
217 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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