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Need for a better college room

Need for a better college room Nw6bj
Dear sir or madam, There is something I need help with. It's about the college accommodation that I currently have. The room is not particularly encouraging for my study work routine. There are a number of problems I am currently facing with the room. Firstly, the space is too tight and tiny. It doesn't even allow me to stretch my legs fully. Secondly, the lighting in this room is extremely poor and nighttime study work is almost impossible. Also, my bed and the mattress are both not extremely comfortable to rest on at all. I find myself wishing for a superior more accommodating room. Personally, I would much prefer a more spacious room with improved lighting. Also, I would be able to work much more efficiently in an accommodation that has brighter ventilation. Please allow me an accommodation that has more comfortable bed and mattress with easier bathroom access as well. Waiting for your beneficial response.
Dear sir or madam,

There is something I need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with. It's about the college accommodation that I
currently
have. The room is not
particularly
encouraging for my study work routine. There are a number of problems I am
currently
facing with the room.

Firstly
, the space is too tight and tiny. It doesn't even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to stretch my legs
fully
.
Secondly
, the lighting in this room is
extremely
poor and nighttime study work is almost impossible.
Also
, my bed and the mattress are both not
extremely
comfortable to rest on at all. I find myself wishing for a superior more accommodating room.

Personally
, I would much prefer a more spacious room with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
lighting.
Also
, I would be able to work much more
efficiently
in
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "accommodation".
an accommodation
that has brighter ventilation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "accommodation".
an accommodation
that has more comfortable bed and mattress with easier bathroom access
as well
.

Waiting for your beneficial response.
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IELTS letter Need for a better college room

Letter
  American English
5 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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