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Younger people enjoy more than the older people

Younger people enjoy more than the older people 7aKxb
Every people make fun in their life whether they are aged or young. But there is always a debate among people saying people of what age are intrigued to enjoy their life. I definitely think that gangsters enjoy their life more than aged human beings as they have energy, capability of taking risk and eagerness to have experience in broad areas. I firmly believe that they are more encouraged to try abundant activities to relax. I will develop this idea in the subsequent paragraph. To begin with, youth are amateur about various areas. Their enquisitiveness always fosters them risk bearing capacity and involve in adventurous activities as they do have more energy comparing to old generation. Because of their physical fitness and curiocity they try to have risky task which more exciting in human life. Moreover, in this situation they travel abundant places which helps them to make more friends and build broad circle of friendship. I have to admit that my own openion on this matter has been profoundly influenced by my own experience. I remember that, when I was teenagers, I wanted to visit Thailand to see beach beacuse I never sasw beach befor that. When I visited there I was successful to develop relationship with people which helped me to visit different pubs and night club that was really exciting. Secondly, teenagers do not have family responsiblity like our parents have to care family business and their jobs. Further more, free mind supports people whatever they want to do in their sapn of life. On the contrary, whether our seniors desire for going out and spending some quality time, it is not possible because of the barriers they have with hectic life. As a result, though parents always have to carry their responsiblity instead of going and partying all the time but because of the time and condition youth are able to do so. Finally, older people already experience abundant things what they have to and they do not have any excitement doing the same thing again and again, so priority changes according to the age. For example, if they aready did paragliding, sky diving and many more, they have everything to share with companion. But for young people, many people encourage take risk for fulfill their desire as they do not to categorize their unlisted priority. In ligh of the above mentioned reasons, older people have less chance for fun making accorinding to their prioritization for task, energy level and responsiblity as far as younger people have some couple thing to do in their life and have plenty time to fulfill desireness. And potentality to do those things is the another consequence of having fun for them.
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular. Did you mean "all"?
Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fun in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
whether they
are aged
or young.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there is always a debate among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
saying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of what age
are intrigued
to enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that gangsters enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more than aged human beings as they have energy, capability of taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and eagerness to have experience in broad areas. I
firmly
believe that they are more encouraged to try abundant activities to relax.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
will develop this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
in the subsequent paragraph.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, youth are amateur about various areas. Their
Possible spelling mistake found.
enquisitiveness
always fosters them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
bearing capacity and involve in adventurous activities as they do have more energy comparing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of their physical fitness and
Possible spelling mistake found.
curiocity
they try to have risky task which more exciting in human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Moreover
, in this situation they travel abundant places which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more friends and build broad circle of friendship. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake found.
openion
on this matter has been
profoundly
influenced by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience. I remember that, when I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, I wanted to visit Thailand to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
beach
Possible spelling mistake found.
beacuse
I never
Possible spelling mistake found.
sasw
beach
Possible spelling mistake found.
befor
that. When I visited there I was successful to develop relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pubs and night club that was
really
exciting.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
do not have family
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsiblity
like our parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
care family business and their jobs.
Further
more, free mind supports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whatever they want to do in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
sapn
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
On the contrary
, whether our seniors desire for going out and spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it is not possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the barriers they have with hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
As a result
, though parents always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
carry their
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsiblity
instead
of going and partying all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and condition youth are able to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

Finally
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
already experience abundant things what they have
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
to and
they do not have any excitement doing the same thing again and again,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
priority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
according to the age.
For example
, if they
Possible spelling mistake found.
aready
did paragliding,
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more, they have everything to share with companion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
encourage take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
for fulfill their desire as they do not to categorize their unlisted priority.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
ligh
of the above mentioned reasons, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have less chance for fun making
Possible spelling mistake found.
accorinding
to their prioritization for task, energy level and
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsiblity
as far as younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
couple thing to do in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to fulfill
Possible spelling mistake found.
desireness
. And
Possible spelling mistake found.
potentality
to do those things is the another consequence of having fun for them.

IELTS essay Younger people enjoy more than the older people

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
451 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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