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Young people spend their time in shopping malls. This has negative effect on young people and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Young people spend their time in shopping malls. This has negative effect on young people and society. OOyy
Shopping centers and malls have become a routine get to gather places for adolescents. This has an adverse effect to not only teenagers but also to society. I disagree agree that this habit has negative impact on both. However, I do believe that spending too much time to such places is harmful to everyone. On the one hand, these shopping centers are become major attraction among youth. Teenagers can meet new people there and exchange their skills by mutual discussion and conversation. As a result everyone might learn new things from each other and all can acquire some unique different ability. Moreover, these places work as a stress buster, because nowadays teenagers are having copious home work and assignments which makes them very stressful. By visiting malls and shopping places they can feel relax and rejuvenate their mind. For example one of my friend’s younger brother always find himself happier after visiting such shopping malls once in a while. On the other hand, if such malls and shopping centers are being visited too much by teenagers then this would work as a deterrent in their studies. This will lead to poor grades to them which will ultimately make their academic score low. It is very hard to find job nowadays and with poor academic marks this will deteriorate the chances of getting employment. This means the society will not get responsible and employable citizens. In this way this habit of spending time to such places has a negative impact on young people as well as society. In conclusion, spending limited time in shopping malls or visiting such places would not harm anyone unless it happens frequently. There should be a balance in life of teenagers, once they have free time after studies; they ought to be allowed to visit such shopping places.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
centers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
have become a routine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to gather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
for adolescents. This has an adverse effect to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to society. I disagree
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this habit has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on both.
However
, I do believe that spending too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is harmful to everyone.

On the one hand, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
centers
are become
major attraction among youth.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenagers
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
there and exchange their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by mutual discussion and conversation.
As a result
everyone might learn new things from each other and all can acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unique
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ability.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
work as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are having copious home work and assignments which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
stressful. By visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
they can feel relax and rejuvenate their mind.
For example
one of my friend’s younger brother always find himself happier after visiting such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
once in a while.

On the other hand
, if such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
centers are
being visited
too much by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
then this would work as a deterrent in their studies. This will lead to poor grades to them which will
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their academic score low. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find job nowadays and with poor academic marks this will deteriorate the chances of getting employment. This means the society will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
responsible and employable citizens. In this way this habit of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
as society.

In conclusion
, spending limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
or visiting such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
would not harm anyone unless it happens
frequently
. There should be a balance in life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, once they have free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
after studies; they ought to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to visit such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
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IELTS essay Young people spend their time in shopping malls. This has negative effect on young people and society.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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