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Young people learn good behavior from books and movies, films rather than a real life experience

Young people learn good behavior from books and movies, films rather than a real life experience MMAWp
In today's rapidly changing world, the vast majority of young generations are spending their time with watching films and reading various kinds of books instead of playing outside with their peers. According to most people thesedays, books and movies can influence on children's behavior more than real life. I think eventhough, this idea holds water, there are many other things that impact on children's upbringing. In this essay l will propose main reasons of this and outline other factors also. First of all, it is common belief that owing to development of innovation technologies such as computer, smartphones and tablets, today's young people are addicted to spend their time by sticking behind these gadgets. They would rather watch films or playing computer games than playing outdoor games or socializing with their friends. Because of this reason, childs are learning how to behave from these films and games
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
rapidly
changing world, the vast majority of young generations are spending their time with watching films and reading various kinds of books
instead
of playing outside with their peers. According to most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
thesedays
, books and movies can influence on children's behavior more than real life. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Possible spelling mistake found.
eventhough
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
holds water, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other things that impact on children's upbringing. In this essay l will propose main reasons of this and outline other factors
also
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is common belief that owing to development of innovation technologies such as computer, smartphones and tablets,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are addicted
to spend their time by sticking behind these gadgets. They would
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
films or playing computer games than playing outdoor games or socializing with their friends.
Because of this
reason,
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "children", the plural form of the noun 'child'?
childs
are learning how to behave from these films and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
games

IELTS essay Young people learn good behavior from books and movies, films rather than a real life experience

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
146 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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