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WT2: some sports are dangerous. Why people still take place in these sports? What can be done to reduce the dangers?

WT2: some sports are dangerous. Why people still take place in these sports? What can be done to reduce the dangers? r8bjL
Sport has become an inevitable part from national to international level. However, in many situations, it has proved to life threatening experience. There are various reasons behind the scene that people still participate in such games due to the fact that they find it as a way of entertainment, socialization and recognized profession. In this essay, I will contend these reasons in more detail and provide some solutions to at least lower its dangerous level. Most of the game players recognize participation as an enjoyment, way of socialization and higher ranked profession. Firstly, according to the interview summary of these player, they think that sport bring glory, fitness and entertainment in their lives. For example, in a small school, children take place in different games; they enjoy, laugh and feel proud while playing. Similarly, while coming out from school span to national and international level, the type and difficulty of sports change. However, the curiosity and emotional attachment to it never dies. Secondly, sports are a better way to socialize with the whole world as a player. For example, this is undeniable to say that most of the world’s population know better the names of globe's best player as compared to any other professionals. Hence, this is a sense of proud to participate and win the challenge while the whole world is watching. Lastly, this is often seen as a profession that is accompanied with recognize and higher financial incentives. Recent years have witnessed many debates that sport professionals are earning higher wages as compared to society’s other demanding professionals such as doctors, lawyers and teachers. Consequently, in today’s world, everybody needs high income to have a comfortable life and they find sports as a fully packaged profession. However, most of the sports proved to be life threatening, there are solutions to at least lower the severity behind this. Firstly, there should be a physical fitness test before any player participate in particular game. For example, breathing and other test for the players would help to analyses the capability level of a person to wear the pressure during playing any activity. Secondly, the need is to ramp up the security and protection of players. In any case, if player seems to be overburdened or uncontrolled then he would be given counselling and proper medication to change his profession/difficulty level accordingly. Lastly, the highly dangerous games should be banned. For instance, bull fight is such an example that very few people survive from such mad experiences. Government and other sport authorities should stop or at least lower the severity among such games and its way of entertainment. To recapitulate, this is true that games have become an unavoidable part of society. The only solution is to continue monitor and control the harshness of sports and provide protection and regular health checks for sport players.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
has become an inevitable part from national to international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
situations, it has proved to life threatening experience. There are various reasons behind the scene that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
participate in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
due to the fact that they find it as a way of entertainment, socialization and recognized profession. In this essay, I will contend these reasons in more detail and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to at least lower its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
level.

Most of the game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
recognize participation as an enjoyment, way of socialization and higher ranked profession.
Firstly
, according to the interview summary of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
bring glory, fitness and entertainment in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
school, children take place in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
; they enjoy, laugh and feel proud while playing.
Similarly
, while coming out from school span to national and international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
, the type and difficulty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
However
, the curiosity and emotional attachment to it never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are a better way to socialize with the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, this is undeniable to say that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world’s
population know better the names of globe's best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
as compared to any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professionals.
Hence
, this is a sense of proud to participate and win the challenge while the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is watching.
Lastly
, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a profession
that is
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompanied by".
accompanied with
recognize and higher financial incentives. Recent years have witnessed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
debates that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
professionals are earning higher wages as compared to society’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
demanding professionals such as doctors, lawyers and teachers.
Consequently
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, everybody needs high income to have a comfortable
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as a
fully
packaged profession.

However
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
proved to be life threatening, there are solutions to at least lower the severity behind this.
Firstly
, there should be a physical fitness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
participate
in particular
game. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, breathing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "analyse".
analyses
the capability
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of a person to wear the pressure during playing any activity.
Secondly
, the need is to ramp up the security and protection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
. In any case, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
seems to
be overburdened
or uncontrolled then he would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
counselling and proper medication to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his profession/difficulty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
accordingly
.
Lastly
, the
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
be banned
.
For instance
, bull fight is such an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
survive from such mad experiences.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
authorities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
or at least lower the severity among such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and its way of entertainment.

To recapitulate, this is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have become an unavoidable part of society. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution is to continue monitor and control the harshness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and provide protection and regular health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checks
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
.
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IELTS essay WT2: some sports are dangerous. Why people still take place in these sports? What can be done to reduce the dangers?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
473 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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