Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Grooming a child and imparting the skills, ethics and morals they need to be part of a society is one responsibility that a mothers are prone of handle best than their male counterpart, however in this modern era more and more women are opting to work in their chosen profession rather than staying home. I believe that a child, Primarily, should be brought up by their mother whereas as a father should provide the sustenance they deserve, but also a mother should be ready to provide for her family if the circumstances permit her so. To explain my perspective below are the reason why I support my idea. There is no doubt about it that women are the perfect specimen by god to raise a child, so, therefore, should remain more closely to her young offspring as much as she can. This is proven based on studies that a women is more compassionate, protective and motivated for their child than men, and that is why they intend to apart require knowledge and traits for making them successful members of the society. An example of motherly low can be prominently seen in the divorce court where 70% of the child custody usually goes in favor of the female guardian, even if the decision is left solely on the child. This real life experience illustrates the mother's beauty and children's fondness towards them. Therefore, it's her responsibility to raise her infants at the levels of perfection. On the other hand, a woman should also not leave the job market completely, especially those women who are sole earners of their house. The world is very dynamic as it is, therefore, circumstances usually prevail for some unfortunate individuals females to leave the household as become the sole earner of the house. For example, due to an increase in single mothers and decreasing employment opportunities for men, women are forced to step up provide for their families. For them, their jobs become a high priority to pay-off the monthly expenses on food and utilities. This specific example can be exempted from their somewhat motherly duties in bringing up the child. Coming to a conclusion, I believe that a mother's prime duty should be to care and polish up their newborns from day one whereas a the father should support the mother as best they could. Despite this, not everyone falls under the same category and therefore, if the conditions are forced upon, a women should be allowed to work full-time to fulfill the monetary requirements.
Grooming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and imparting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, ethics and morals they need to be part of a society is one responsibility that
The plural noun “mothers” cannot be used with the article “a”. Did you mean “a mother” or “mothers”?
a mothers
are prone of handle
Use “better than” to make a comparison with this adjective.
best than
their male counterpart,
however
in this modern era more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are opting to work in their chosen profession
rather
than staying home. I believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
,
Primarily
, should
be brought
up by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
whereas as a father should provide the sustenance they deserve,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
should be ready to provide for her family if the circumstances permit her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my perspective below are the reason why I support my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

There is no doubt about it that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are the perfect specimen by god to raise a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
, should remain more
closely
to her young offspring as much as she can. This
is proven
based on studies that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is more compassionate, protective and motivated for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, and
that is
why they intend to apart require knowledge and traits for making them successful members of the society. An example of
motherly
low can be
prominently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the divorce court where 70% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
custody
usually
goes in favor of the female guardian, even if the decision is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
solely
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. This real life experience illustrates the mother's beauty and children's fondness towards them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, it's her responsibility to raise her infants at the levels of perfection.

On the other hand
, a woman should
also
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the job market completely,
especially
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who are sole earners of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. The world is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
dynamic as it is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
, circumstances
usually
prevail for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unfortunate individuals females to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the household as become the sole earner of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
For example
, due to an increase in single mothers and decreasing employment opportunities for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are forced
to step up provide for their families. For them, their jobs become a high priority to pay-off the monthly expenses on food and utilities. This specific example can
be exempted
from their somewhat
motherly
duties in bringing up the child.

Coming to a conclusion, I believe that a mother's prime duty should be to care and polish up their newborns from day one whereas
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only “a” or “the” is left.
a the
father should support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
as best they could. Despite this, not everyone falls under the same category and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
, if the conditions
are forced
upon, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to work full-time to fulfill the monetary requirements.

IELTS essay Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
420 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?