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Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Women possess an inherent ability in taking care of their child. Moreover, in today’s world, they are also proving themselves to be successful in working life. Despite of this fact, some people believe that women should spend more time on childcare and less time for occupation. I myself partly agree with this opinion because of following reasons. On one hand, women had better concentrate on raising their baby in typical periods. Let’s take an example of infancy. Scientists show that in addition to breastfeeding, during this period, exclusive maternal instincts help mothers to be able to identify their baby’s needs and changes (even minimal ones) then respond to them correctly, fending off any threats to the baby’s health, which, unfortuantely, is not seen among fathers and other relatives. This means the mother’s role is the most important and irreplaceable in this critical phase. Thus, for the sake of a baby’s healthy development, the mother should place the first priority on taking care of her child in certain periods. On the other hand, after difficult earlier stages, there should be a balance between job and childcare for women. In many families, the wife’s income equals or even outweighs the husband’s. Therefore, back to working life after the maternity leave, women can share their husbands the burden of money to raise their child. In other words, when the baby becomes steadier, the bringing up and earning money should be shared equally between the wife and the husband. In summary, how women should prioritize raising children or working life really depends on situations. However, I strongly believe that in any circumstances, women always need their husbands to support them and share them childcare responsibility as well as other burdens in life.
Women
possess an inherent ability in taking care of their child.
Moreover
, in
today
’s world, they are
also
proving themselves to be successful in working
life
.
Despite of
this fact,
some
people
believe that
women
should spend more time on childcare and less time for occupation. I myself partly
agree
with this opinion
because
of following reasons.

On one hand,
women
had better concentrate on raising their baby in typical periods.
Let
’s take an example of infancy. Scientists
show
that
in addition
to breastfeeding, during this period, exclusive maternal instincts
help
mothers to be able to identify their baby’s needs and
changes
(even minimal ones) then respond to them
correctly
, fending off any threats to the baby’s health, which,
unfortuantely
, is not
seen
among fathers and
other
relatives. This means the mother’s role is the most
important
and irreplaceable in this critical phase.
Thus
, for the sake of a baby’s healthy development, the mother should place the
first
priority on taking care of her child in certain periods.

On the
other
hand, after difficult earlier stages, there should be a balance between job and childcare for
women
. In
many
families, the wife’s income equals or even outweighs the husband’s.
Therefore
, back to working
life
after the maternity
leave
,
women
can share their husbands the burden of money to raise their child. In
other
words, when the baby becomes steadier, the bringing up and earning money should
be shared
equally
between the wife and the husband.

In summary, how
women
should prioritize raising children or working
life
really
depends on situations.
However
, I
strongly
believe that in any circumstances,
women
always need their husbands to support them and share them childcare responsibility
as well
as
other
burdens in
life
.
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IELTS essay Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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