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Why University?

Why University? jRQqX
Attending to a university is one of the greatest events in our life. We can broaden our knowledge and experience in the universities. It is very important to determine our goals for joining to the university since we spent many years there. People may presents many reasons for attending to university, however when it comes to me I choose university for following reasons. First, attending to a university and getting an academic degree can increase your chance to get a better job due to requirement that significant jobs have. For example, I remember from my high school that some of my friends prefer to work on their own instead of going to university. Some of them could succeed in their work, but many of them could not get a good job. On the other hand, I and John choose university and we studied hard to pass the entrance examination. Today, both of us are successful engineer in a big company. If our other friends went to university and got an academic degree, they could get a good job in our company too. As you can see, Joining to a university can heighten your chance to get better job. Second, universities are a great place to improve your social and art activities. They have many art groups that students can join for free and use their services. For example, I loved music and playing guitar, but before attending to the university I did not have opportunity to learn playing guitar without paying a lot of money. Joining to the art group of the university, I could learn playing guitar in one semester from my new friends in the group. Furthermore, I could do concerts in the university in special celebrations. Having problem to find new friends, I could learn how deal with other students in the group and university and it helped me to increase my social activities. So, Universities can improve your art and social activities if you want to. In sum up, I can say attending to the university was one of my greatest experience ever. Not only it helped me to get a good job with good money, but also it heightened my art and social activities in my life. If you are a high school student, then I suggest you to go to the university as I did.
Attending to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is one of the greatest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in our life. We can broaden our knowledge and experience in the
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universities
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
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important
to determine our goals for joining to the
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university
since we spent
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many
years there.
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People
may presents
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many
reasons for attending to
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university
,
however
when it
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comes
to me I choose
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university
for following reasons.

First
, attending to a
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university
and getting an academic degree can increase your chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better
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job
due to requirement that significant
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jobs
have.
For example
, I remember from my high school that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of my
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friends
prefer to work on their
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own
instead
of going to
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university
.
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Some
of them could succeed in their work,
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but
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many
of them could not
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get
a
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good
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job
.
On the other hand
, I and John choose
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
university and
we studied
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hard
to pass the entrance examination.
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Today
, both of us are successful engineer in a
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big
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company
. If our other
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friends
went to
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university
and
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got
an academic degree, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
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good
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job
in our
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company
too. As you can
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see
, Joining to a
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university
can heighten your chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better job.

Second,
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universities
are a great place to
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improve
your
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social
and
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art
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activities
. They have
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many
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art
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groups
that students can
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join
for free and
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use
their services.
For example
, I
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loved
music and playing guitar,
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but
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before
attending to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
I did not have opportunity to learn playing guitar without paying
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a lot of
money. Joining to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
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group
of the
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university
, I could learn playing guitar in one semester from my new
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friends
in the
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group
.
Furthermore
, I could do concerts in the
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university
in special celebrations. Having problem to find new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, I could learn how deal with other students in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and
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university
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to increase my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
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activities
.
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So
,
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Universities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
if you want to.

In sum up, I can say attending to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
was one of my greatest experience ever. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
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good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with
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good
money,
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but
also
it heightened my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
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social
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activities
in my life. If you are a high school student, then I suggest you to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
as I did.
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IELTS essay Why University?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
391 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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