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Why adults in the UK attend art events

In UK people are attending arts events for various purpose but it seems that their reasons to attend such events are changing over time. It is interesting to note that, people are still interested to see their desired artist or the performance of the artist. However, the cause for going such events are increasing due to the recess of childrens. By contrast, attending the atrts in special occasion is gradually falling according to the report. Although, adults visiting such events for business purpose is rising. To summarise, the overall attendance looks pretty steady over time where the point of interest to attend events has been changed.
In UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are attending arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
for various purpose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it seems that their reasons to attend such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are changing over time.

It is interesting to note that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
still
interested to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their desired artist or the performance of the artist.
However
, the cause for going such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are increasing due to the recess of
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
. By contrast, attending the
Possible spelling mistake found.
atrts
in special occasion is
gradually
falling according to the report. Although, adults visiting such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
for business purpose is rising.

To
Possible spelling mistake. ‘summarise’ is British English.
summarise
, the
overall
attendance looks pretty steady over
It is better to use ‘time’ with the time-relative pronoun ‘when’: “time when”. (Alternatively, use ‘in/on which’)
time where
the point of interest to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
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IELTS essay Why adults in the UK attend art events

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
106 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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