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Health and fitness levels of children and teenagers are declining these days. Therefore, physical education and sports should be compulsory for all students in all schools. Do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Nowadays, Deterioration of the health and fitness levels among people especially school children. So, It is believed that subject of excercing like sports and physical education should be compulsory part in every schools for each and every students. I completely disagree with the given statement and I will justify my points in the following paragraphs. The major problem of compulsory physical education in school is burden on Children and teens. To make it clear, students have lots of things to learn in their life everyday and if we put extra subject like physical activities can burden on them. To examplify, In March 2015, Government implemented a compulsory sports education in the University and a brave student got lowest score in their favourite subject because of the stress of new sports subject, he felt burden on them. Thus these activities should not be compulsory for students in schools. The another reason is financial problems for those people who can not afford for the academic subjects and they have to choose this subject and give extra fees for these activities. To explain it further, poor people who have enough money to educate that children with best education. So they will get better result for them. If it compulsory for them, they will not afford for academic subject too. For example, The Times of India reported in March 2012, Government had done compulsory rules of sports activities in all schools for all students, A poor children had lost their education because their parents can not pay their fees. Therefore, compulsory sport subject should not be a part of every school for every students. To conclude, although there are many negative impact of compulsory physical education like burden on brave children and financial problem for poor people. Thus, I disagree with the statement.
Nowadays, Deterioration of the health and fitness levels among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
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school
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children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, It
is believed
that
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subject
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
excercing
like
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sports
and
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physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
part in every
The noun should probably be in the singular form: “school”?
schools
for each and every
The noun should probably be in the singular form: “student”?
students
. I completely disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement and I will justify my points in the following paragraphs.

The major problem of
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compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
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education
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
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burden
on
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Children
and teens. To
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make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
,
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students
have lots of things to learn in their life
‘Everyday’ is an adjective. Did you mean “every day”?
everyday
and if we put extra
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subject
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
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activities
can
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burden
on them. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
examplify
, In March 2015,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
implemented a
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compulsory
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sports
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education
in the University and a brave
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student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
A determiner is probably missing here: “the lowest”.
lowest
score in their
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favourite’ is British English.
favourite
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subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
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stress
of new
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sports
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subject
, he felt
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burden
on them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
these
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activities
should not be
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compulsory
for
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students
in schools.

The another reason is financial problems for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can not afford for the academic
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
subjects and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose this
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subject
and give extra fees for these
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activities
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it
further
, poor
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people
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to educate that
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children
A determiner is probably missing here: “with the best”.
with best
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education
.
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So
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better result for them. If it
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compulsory
for them, they will not afford for academic
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subject
too.
For example
, The Times of India reported in March 2012,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
had done
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of
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sports
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activities
in all
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schools
for all
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students
, A poor
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children
had lost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their parents can not pay their fees.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
should not be a part of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for every
The noun should probably be in the singular form: “student”?
students
.

To conclude
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
burden
on brave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and financial problem for poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Thus
, I disagree with the statement.
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IELTS essay Health and fitness levels of children and teenagers are declining these days. Therefore, physical education and sports should be compulsory for all students in all schools.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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