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Who will pay for old people cost government or family

Who will pay for old people cost government or family g5qQA
First of all, I grew up in a country that upholds the importance of family relationship. Wherein the concept of family I have witnessed is that parents worked hard for the betterment of their children’s future. And when the child grows up, he or she will reciprocate the hard work, efforts and unconditional love shown by his or her parents. Nowadays some family do not have enough time to look their parents so that they have to hire who can take care of their parents, that cost need to be paid by their family. Better way is family should take care of their parents because no one can take care same as family like patient and love. Some family are not enough money to support their parents and some older people do not have children and family as well. In this case Government need to build up rest home and to support for their health and life. Some old people have advanced planning for their retire age, such as saving, health-insurance and a retirement pension, etc. In other way, Government have to provide for older people example senior citizens benefit, Medisave and other benefit. In my opinion, Government have responsibility to care older people who no one will care for them, but who have family members they have responsibility to care their parents.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I grew up in a country that upholds the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationship. Wherein the concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
I have witnessed is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
worked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the betterment of their children’s future. And when the child grows up, he or she will reciprocate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, efforts and unconditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
shown by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
parents.

Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "families"?
family
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to look their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
hire who can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, that cost need to
be paid
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Better way is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no one can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
same as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
like patient and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Did you mean "families"?
family
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as well
.
In this case
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
need to build up rest home and to support for their health and life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have advanced planning for their retire age, such as saving, health-insurance and a retirement pension, etc.

In other way,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
The singular proper name 'Government' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
to provide for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
example senior citizens benefit,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Medisave
and other benefit. In my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
have responsibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who no one will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members they have responsibility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
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IELTS essay Who will pay for old people cost government or family

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
223 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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