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whether or not to build a school in your hometown

whether or not to build a school in your hometown jR1MX
Our hometown is a place where we spend a lot of time. Thus, any changes have to be considered carefully. Some people oppose and say that the construction of a new school is not beneficial for our locality. However, a institution to educate children definitely will bring benefits for all. To begin with, a new high school will generate employments. In order to build the facilities, a group of labor will be needed; thus, this is going to add more jobs to the community. For example, while I lived in my hometown back in Venezuela, I saw the construction of a gigantic school developed every day. Specifically, my father's friend got hired by the school to finish the structure. Moreover, after the school was finished, my mother performed there as a teacher for many years. Consequently, the high school brought jobs for everybody in the community. Therefore, it benefits not only students, but also labors. In addition, the new institution will bring more taxes revenue. This means more money coming to our hometown, so the money will be used to improve other areas of our community. For example, after the construction of the school in my city, we stared seeing better soccer fields, libraries, restaurants, and playground. A newspaper published an article saying that all these new facilities were done with the money the school provided to our county. Furthermore, having an excellent school will encourage more people to move in. Since the first worry of parents when they are looking for new places, it is to have a school close to home. In this way, their kids could walk from home to the school making the commute so convenient. As I stated before, the advantages of having a new institution in our county are so numerous that everybody should support it. Nevertheless, many individuals will refutes this point by saying that the traffic will make our community difficult to reach. Because more people will drive around, residents may oppose to build the new school. For example, where I live now in Kendall, there is a little school. Hence, the traffic in school hours is terrible, so one can get stuck in traffic for hours. As a result, persons will feel discourage about the idea of having this installation close. To sum up, although there exist minimal drawbacks for the construction of a education center in our home town, the benefits supper pass the disadvantages by bringing even more positive effects for everybody. First, it is going to create more jobs, and second it will bring more revenue which enables to enhance our neighborhood.
Our hometown is a place where we spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time.
Thus
, any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be considered
carefully
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
oppose and say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is not beneficial for our locality.
However
,
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
institution to educate children definitely will bring benefits for all.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will generate employments. In order to build the facilities, a group of labor will
be needed
;
thus
, this is going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more jobs to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
For example
, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in my hometown back in Venezuela, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
of a gigantic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
developed every day.
Specifically
, my father's friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
hired by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to finish the structure.
Moreover
, after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
was finished
, my mother performed there as a teacher for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.
Consequently
, the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
brought jobs for everybody in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
Therefore
, it benefits not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
students,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
labors.

In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
institution will bring more taxes revenue. This means more money coming to our hometown,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the money will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
other areas of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
For example
, after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in my city, we stared seeing better soccer fields, libraries, restaurants, and playground. A newspaper published an article saying that all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
facilities
were done
with the money the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
provided to our county.
Furthermore
, having an excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will encourage more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in. Since the
first
worry of parents when they are looking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
places, it is to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
close to home. In this way, their kids could walk from home to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
making the commute
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
convenient. As I stated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, the advantages of having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
institution in our county are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
numerous that everybody should support it.

Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals will refutes this point by saying that the traffic will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
difficult to reach.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will drive around, residents may oppose to build the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
For example
, where I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in Kendall, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Hence
, the traffic in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
hours is terrible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stuck in traffic for hours.
As a result
, persons will feel discourage about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of having this installation close.

To sum up, although there exist minimal drawbacks for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
construction
of
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
education center in our home town, the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "benefits'" or "benefit's"?
benefits
supper pass the disadvantages by bringing even more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects for everybody.
First
, it is going to create more jobs, and second it will bring more revenue which enables to enhance our neighborhood.
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IELTS essay whether or not to build a school in your hometown

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
434 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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