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What could be done to improve the lives of elderly?

What could be done to improve the lives of elderly? 5e1m
The number of elderly who are feeling alone and suffering from many health problems are increased dramatically. As a life expectancy increase, the average lives well beyond the age of retirement To improve their lives is now challenging to them and their families. Retirement makes them alone and depressed because they depend on their families. One clear example is that they should spend their daily lives with their leisure activities such fishing, planting, reading and talking with their lovely friends. The result of this can overcome their lonely lives. Furthermore, the older people are fighting for the physical illness. To live healthy, the families and the government should considered the financial supports for their health care and rehabilitation. The outcome is they cannot worry about costs for health and get essential services for their diseases. To sum up, there are several ways to improve older lives by financial and social supports. To achieve this the government and carers should cooperate together.
The number of elderly who are feeling alone and suffering from
many
health problems
are increased
dramatically
. As a life expectancy increase, the average
lives
well beyond the age of retirement To
improve
their
lives
is
now
challenging to them and their families.

Retirement
makes
them alone and depressed
because
they depend on their families. One
clear
example is that they should spend their daily
lives
with their leisure activities such fishing, planting, reading and talking with their lovely friends. The result of this can overcome their lonely
lives
.

Furthermore
, the older
people
are fighting for the physical illness. To
live
healthy, the families and the
government
should
considered
the financial supports for their health care and rehabilitation. The outcome is they cannot worry about costs for health and
get
essential services for their diseases.

To sum up, there are several ways to
improve
older
lives
by financial and social supports. To achieve this the
government
and carers should cooperate together.
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IELTS essay What could be done to improve the lives of elderly?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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