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Happiness brings joy and peace to everyone's life.

Happiness brings joy and peace to everyone's life. 9oxn
Happiness brings joy and peace to everyone's life. However, money is not the ultimate to become happy in our life. Some people believe that money brings happiness and other claim that there are other ways to be happy. In this essay, I will discuss both views and give reasons from my own experience. Money is essential to maintain a certain standard of living. People who meet their basic needs in a luxurious way might become greedy to produce more money to enhance the living status by buying the branded items, dining -in expensive restaurants and purchasing exorbitant gadgets. For instance, in a recent research shows that people who are billionaires and have an expensive car, has been identified as having sleep deprivation and anxiety in 89% of the population due to the fear of the enemy attacking them. As a result, theose people will not have a peaceful mind to enjoy the monetary benefits they have. On the other hand, people who meet their daily needs, hold enough money for the expenses, and helping others will have peace of mind and enjoy their life. To illustrate, It has been noticed in a recent interview taken by a journalist in a village with a farmer who said that he enjoys his work and feels satisfied with what he is doing because the rice and lentils reach the people who are in need and he feeds globally. Moreover, such happiness cannot be found anywhere in the world. Therefore, these people sleep peacefully without any thoughts or disturbance. To conclude, in my opinion, money is not everything which gives happiness. Though money is vital for living, the source of happiness lies in people who help others who need help.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
brings joy and peace to everyone's life.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not the ultimate to become happy in our life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
claim that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways to be happy. In this essay, I will discuss both views and give reasons from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience.

Money is essential to maintain a certain standard of living.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
Consider replacing "in a luxurious way" with the adverb for "luxurious"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a luxurious way
might become greedy to produce more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to enhance the living status by buying the branded items, dining -in expensive restaurants and purchasing exorbitant gadgets.
For instance
, in a recent research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are billionaires and have an expensive car, has
been identified
as having sleep deprivation and anxiety in 89% of the population due to the fear of the enemy attacking them.
As a result
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
theose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not have a peaceful mind to enjoy the monetary benefits they have.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
, hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the expenses, and helping others will have peace of mind and enjoy their life. To illustrate, It has
been noticed
in a recent interview taken by a journalist in a village with a farmer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
said that he enjoys his work and feels satisfied with what he is doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the rice and lentils reach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
need and
he feeds globally.
Moreover
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
cannot
be found
anywhere in the world.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sleep
peacefully
without any thoughts or disturbance.

To conclude
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not everything which gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is vital for living, the source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
lies in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
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IELTS essay Happiness brings joy and peace to everyone's life.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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