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What are the reasons people do this? Do you think this is a good or a bad thing?

What are the reasons people do this? Do you think this is a good or a bad thing? 0EKG9
In today's advanced world, science and technology have helped improve all aspects of our life, even in the aspect of glamour looks of a person. Apparently, all people want to look younger than that of their age, for attaining that they do lots of things. I think it is always a positive or good thing to be younger. In this essay, I will explain the reasons why these generations are investing so much in it. Firstly, to commence with, being youth always gives a positive impact on everyone's life. Admittedly, we all are living in the fancy world, here glamour has more importance. Therefore folks are trying to reduce their age by looking. There are more reasons behind this. For instance, someone who works in the film industry does lots of treatments to look adolescent and pretty. However, once they don't care about their look, they will be thrown out of the field. This is what is happening nowadays. Another reason for this is most of the jobs are now demanding for the good looking persons specifically, front office workers, Air hosters, media workers. In spite of these all, a person gets more confident when he or she looks better than that of their age, that gives them self satisfaction and the courage to face everyone. Thus, it is clear that this always gives advantages to humans. In addition to this, all people are concerned about their health as well as look. Ostensibly, those who use the gym frequently are healthy and fit. For example, last year I met one of my relatives who was about 50years when I saw him I got shocked because he was looking so young. I enquired about it and came to know that since last year he is doing regular exercise in the gym and eating healthy foods as per the doctor's advice. The result was very evident, so he loved it and he is just continuing that. Therefore, he is enjoying his life now. To sum up, everything that has been stated so far, there are multiple reasons why people are trying to be younger than that of their age, that include personal satisfaction, health-related and professional benefits. This really boosts up their profile, so it is always good to look lesser than that of your actual age and can have a quality life thereafter.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's advanced world, science and technology have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
all aspects of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, even in the aspect of glamour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
of a person.
Apparently
, all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
younger than that of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, for attaining that they do lots of things. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is always a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing to be younger. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why these generations are investing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much in it.

Firstly
, to commence with, being youth always gives a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on everyone's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Admittedly
, we all are living in the fancy world, here glamour has more importance.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
folks are trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
by looking. There are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind this.
For instance
, someone who works in the film industry does lots of treatments to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
adolescent and pretty.
However
, once they don't care about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
, they will
be thrown
out of the field. This is what is happening nowadays. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for this is most of the jobs are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
demanding for the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
good looking
persons
specifically
, front office workers, Air
Possible spelling mistake found.
hosters
, media workers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
these all, a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
more confident when he or she
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
better than that of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, that gives them
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self satisfaction
and the courage to face everyone.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that this always gives advantages to humans.

In addition
to this, all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are concerned
about their health
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
.
Ostensibly
, those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the gym
frequently
are healthy and fit.
For example
, last year I met one of my relatives who was about 50years when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
him I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
shocked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he was looking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
young. I
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquired' is British English.
enquired
about it and came to know that since last year he is doing regular exercise in the gym and eating healthy foods as per the doctor's advice. The result was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
evident,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
it and
he is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
continuing that.
Therefore
, he is enjoying his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

To sum up, everything that has
been stated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far, there are multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are trying to be younger than that of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, that include personal satisfaction, health-related and professional benefits. This
really
boosts up their profile,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
lesser than that of your actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and can have a quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
thereafter.
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IELTS essay What are the reasons people do this? Do you think this is a good or a bad thing?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
392 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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